the time of singing has come!

Sometimes I wonder if there is perhaps something inherently wrong with me. Otherwise, why do I have few trusted friends? Otherwise, why is it so hard to open up? Sometimes, I think that the whole world hates me. And maybe God also dislike me, afterall I often fall short of His grace. I am often so weak.

Sometimes I think that it is really easier to be alone. Alone and just be with God. Not because I am high and mighty and so no one is comparable with me enough to be friends with me. But because there is just too much trouble to be acquainted with me and even more trouble if u know me on a deeper level. Yet, why do I often pride myself as being a trusted confidante? Am I really one? Am I genuinely caring or am I just seeking approval?

Sometimes, I wish someone would tell me the answer so that I can be at peace and just be myself.

Sometimes, I wish I can be more loving, more and more and more, because love is hard and communication is difficult.

Perhaps the trauma caused has already affected me in a implicit manner and I didn't even know why I find it hard to establish trusting relationships. But thank God that it is brought into my awareness now and I must learn...

And I must learn that words can hurt.
And I must learn patience..
And I must learn love.