the time of singing has come!

Why do people jaywalk?

Because they are all in a rush.

Why are we always in a rush?

Maybe sometimes we don't even know.

I think that this world is really not for me.

This world of rushing, of meeting standards, of proving your worth.

Why do I have to prove my worth before I can enrol myself into a masters program? Don't I qualify precisely because of my work and the need to upgrade my skills? Otherwise, my clients are the ones to suffer, not me!

Why can't people just do their work, according to their capabilities and not having to constantly prove that they can do more? Why can't we just have morning teas or afternoon teas and go home early to play with our kids and spend time with our spouse?

What must I do to be blessed with such?

Kind of having depressive thoughts running about my head. Hate it that I have these chemicals roaming in my brain, that make me more susceptible to depression. And it doesn't help when two of us are like this.

I kind of want to quit my job and get a life first. I'm quite burned out by what I am doing day in day out. But without money, can I get a life?

Labels: contemplation

Hope is what keeps us alive and moving.

I was so mad at him for leaving me this morning so that he can make his way to work first.

We had both worked up late and he has a group at 830am. He cannot be late.

I have yet to pack for my zumba lesson this evening and still had to so I grudgingly (although unwillingly) agreed to him going first.

I was mad at myself for having been knocked out right after I shower for the past three nights straight. What's more, I slept with my totally wet hair last night and throughout the night knew that I had to get up to dry it. So, I didn't really sleep well.

I was mad at him for not waking me up, for not showing more love, for not interacting more with me. I actually play the blaming game quite well, especially or maybe particularly on my loved ones.

I took my time to pack and left house unhappy. I wonder what bus should I take and I wonder if it matters if I am late. I have no strength, no motivation. I just feel like crap.

I checked the app and indeed, the buses are gonna take 20 min to arrive. Great. Everything is just great. So I decided to walk two busstops down instead for the next bus I have to take, instead of waiting. I thought the walk might calm me down.

The message came in. (Just when I thought I am not going to message him for the entire day today. At least I am not going to initiate.)

"Take 88. Bus 43 and 156 are going to take forever to arrive now."

He had checked the timing of the buses for me.

Although he had to leave first, his heart was still for me.

Though I treated him badly, giving him a reluctant peck when he came to me for our usual goodbye kiss, asking him to go first grudgingly, he still check the bus timing for me. And he is the one running late and distressed! I ought to have been kinder.

The message sent a smile to my heart, and eventually to my face. All the bad feelings from the morning slowly seemed to dissipate into the morning sunshine and I feel my spirit gently lifted up.

Knowing that he still loves me and thinks of me really lift up my mood. Nothing else matters. Not even the fact that he didn't help make the bed again this morning.

Hope keeps me alive and walking forward, thinking that I might catch him at the busstop.

I didn't catch him, but hope that he can make it on time and have a blessed groupwork with his clients. May God bless him richly.

Labels: counting grace, ilovemyhubby, Wifey

Cannot stand it when I know the people around me are upset. It's like it is my duty to ensure everyone is happy and fine... which is why I often wonder whether this person is really happy or whether that person is contented. But I guess... I can't help everyone. To the best that I can, I help them find peace or joy.. the rest of it I leave it to God in prayers.

May God watch over two of the closest men in my life. May they find the peace they need right now and may God's grace be sufficient for them.