the time of singing has come!

I saw a young boy and a young man skipped their way into the train.

Are they father and son? Maybe not..

The little boy started playing with an iPhone, while the man is holding a toy car.

Giggles. What a funny sight.

Our little ones are really living in a world very different from ours. With just a touch of their fingertip, they can access an ocean of knowledge. They need only snap their fingers. Will they understand how we have to bend our back and bathe in our sweat under the hot sun just to get rice to eat?

They won't really understand our world. And we probably won't really know theirs. Just as I won't ever understand my student clients' worlds.

I look at this beautiful sight as man and boy converse. I smile.

Then I look beyond them to see the great number of cars on the roads and people shuffling their way home. And I thought, how many of this kind of beautiful sight can I really see?

Not many.. I have come to think that in this world, there are more sorrows than joys, more tears than smiles. I see people struggling. I see people failing. I see people stuck. I see myself struggling, failing, stuck.

A mixture of emotions came over me.

But as Amazing Grace (My chains are broken) played without words in my ears, I can't help but know that amid all these, amidst the pain and tears, the struggle and all, amid the laughter and fun, bonding and love, whatever the situation, God is still over all. He is over all. He is in control. From where I was, I can see the people on the train and the people beyond on the busy roads, yet He can see even more, even further than that. How can I not fall at His feet and love Him, more than anything?

I am not God. I cannot do a lot of things. I have said a prayer for her and I think she would be fine, in God's hands.

I almost thought i'm heading for church. Would love to really go down on my knees now and say a prayer.

---
Studies have shown that the way to having a healthy mental mind is to count our blessings. We may do so daily, or weekly. So even though I'm seeing more pain than joy, more struggles than smiles... the way to lead a God-centered, God-glorifying life is to simply count our blessings, choosing to look at and remember the beautiful moments, even as we are in the middle of tears and struggles and even as we acknowledge the fact that this world is not wonderful...

Labels: contemplation

Lord, I know, I know, but...

Labels: contemplation, encountering God, the sword of the Spirit

If I say I have not done anything wrong, then why do I feel like crying?

I am strong?

Guess what.

What if I am tired of being strong? What if I no longer want to be 'good' anymore? Why must I be so hard on myself?

The veins on the side of my head are threatening to burst.

What if I'm tired... of trying so hard to meet The standard?

...

And then suddenly I heard a voice in my head,

Then go to sleep.

Labels: one of those days, rant

14. for the promise of sabbath rest and a weekend at church, after a hectic and really draining week

15. for mentorship and time spent listening, and words of affirmation that I'm still doing right...

16. for a chance to do what I believe in, even though others may not agree

17. for graces and mercies showered upon me most unworthy but yet He still held on

18. for timely 'rebukes' which are truth spoken in love (God really knows His time, and His time is always perfect)

19. for sisterly love and dates

20. for the power of the Word and of prayer

----
Been spending far too much time in contemplation, about work, my students, whether I am doing okay, how to do better, what is my role, ..... and at the same time, about some other issues, weakness in faith, falling into temptations, and struggling with a obvious change of principles and values, yet kinda denying the extent and seriousness of matters.

what am i doing :/

and while i spent those time contemplating, reflecting, pondering, not only do i neglect the real work to be done - my school research project, and the textbook pages waiting to be turned, and spiritual nurture, i also lie awake in the middle of the night not able to sleep

while i count the graces that the merciful God has showered upon me this weekend, i know... that He has not given up on me... but my heart needs to know that and resonates with that thought

im praying for a change of heart

and to be resolute enough to make some changes in my current routine (and that start with daily bible reading, just 5 minutes a day, remember?)

Labels: one thousand gifts, rant

Ohh I probably need more food too.

Starving.

I actually laughed at a client's abusive situation at home. How could I have taken it so lightly? Even though I caught myself in time and probably only let out a short 'hah', did she realise it? Was she offended? :0 :(

I've been asking my clients to be true to their feeling and to be honest with how they feel with the people around them. But I realised I haven't been doing so and don't know how to do it. Is that why I'm feeling overwhelmed?

With every incident that happened, I need the same amount of time spent reflecting and ruminating over what had happened. However, this week has started off with a bad push and I'm just being carried along by the currents. I know what I need. Time alone. (exactly what my girl told me she needs too.)

Labels: rant

6. for a soul that is gradually healing from past hurts (and praying that she would continue to heal)

7. for a fun-filled evening of laughter and actions and songs (and may the choir continue to grow as one)

8. for the realisation that I need Jesus and that I really miss church

9. for private moments in prayer with God when tears could flow freely

10. for alone time roaming around the mall, spending time in my own thoughts and with lovely music in my ears

11. for mothers, because they are the ones who sustain the house and keep it going (to the best of their ability)

12. for laughter and time spent together as a family

13. for being home alone today, to do my laundry (which are piling!) and to read and write :)

Labels: one thousand gifts

Labels: the sword of the Spirit

Were there times when you felt like nobody understands and you wonder if God would understand since you've been kinda far from Him too?

It feels like one of those times.

It's not like there is nobody with you. There may be still one or two there with you but even so... It feels like they aren't really with you.

I must remember this and not allow my clients to ever feel this way - that I'm actually there but not exactly with them. It would feel worse than having no one around to begin with I think.

Labels: rant

Labels: counting grace

4. for water when I am feeling dry

5. for paracetamol when my head felt like it might split open

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counting grace on a don't-feel-so-good day

Labels: one thousand gifts