the time of singing has come!

With 49 days to go, why do I feel that we are growing more distant instead?

为什么到了最后还是我一个人暗中哭泣。

I wonder if people understands that it is hard for me to trust people.

I wish we have a mentor who is neither for or against anyone of us, but who is equally close to both of us so that he/she can just correct either one of us without fear that it will offend anyone of us. I want to hear what is right, not what sounds right.

I feel sorry towards her. She must have been excited about my wedding but I shove her aside thinking that what she has in mind is redundant and possibly pagan or superstitious. The fact is, I don't even know, might just be a cultural blessing thing? Why am I so stubborn about doing what's right? What is right? What does God want me to do? Sometimes I am tired of being the only one who wants to do it right. But maybe, I ain't doing right.

What is a simple wedding? Why does it seem so tiresome to me now?