the time of singing has come!

Feelings are such transcient states, that it is frightening...
They come and they go.

And when they are gone,
you are left wondering if they had even existed in the first place.

Even little boys are capable of... disregarding another's feelings.

Sometimes, I am not sure if I am ready to let my feelings surface and develop again.
Sometimes, I really do not have much faith in it anymore....
And would rather put my whole heart onto Jesus.

My dear sister

you will probably never understand
that all i want is to spend some time with you

my love language is quality time, remember?
(Gary Chapman, Five Love Languages)

After 7 full days of packing my room,
I am finally done -___-
(sorrry, yes... I'm a slow tortoise...and you wouldnt want to know that they are spread over 2 weeks, which means I practically spent my june holidays packing away :( no driving lessons, no reading, no writing, ....)

I sure have a lot of rubbish, which, strangely, this time round, I can bear with the thought of forever parting with them.

I really did throw many stuffs away this time.

Maybe it is because I am preparing myself for new changes.
Maybe it is because I am now ready for new changes.
Maybe it is because I now understand that the past will stay as the past; the present and the future are what I should embrace and look forward to.

When you can finally undo the tangles with the past, you'd find yourself excited about what might and is to come!

What's left now is to clear the two huge boxes which are lying dormant in the storeroom.... soon.

-----
As I was going through the things from the past, memories flooded my mind and brought me back to the days in primary school, secondary school, JC, .....

I came to realise that so many people have come and go in my life. No matter how short the duration of interaction was, it is amazing to me how two person's path can meet and then go on to our separate ways again.

I thought of the last day when all of us shall stand before Jesus... Will I see all these people whose path had once crossed with mine? Will I recognise all of them? Will I be ashamed to see them, because I have not share with them the true gospel?

As I rummaged through these trinkets of memory (some already hidden out of consciousness), some sense of guilt of lost ties and friendships also surfaced. It really isn't easy to maintain a friendship. Even a really good one... might also lose the battle to so-called Busyness and Time, or plain laziness to keep in contact.

Or perhaps one just do not have the resources to keep too many close relationships? There had been quite a number of close friends (and I really mean, close) whom I have lost, and with some, I had been through the highs and lows of life with them before. There was some prompting within me to attempt to contact them once again, and to invite them to church. Will I really do this for Jesus?

It is also somewhat strange, and amusing, to find out that, at each chapter of your life, there seems to appear someone whose personality and character matches another person who will come by at a later stage of your life.

So while, the former had vanished out of our life, the latter one sort of takes over. It is not only with close friends, but acquaintances as well. I seemed to be able to match some people whom I know from the past with some people I know right now. Their personality, their behaviours, and even their speech, can be so similar!

Maybe, God knows who and what we need... and He supplies them continually.

What an amazing God! He has been watching over me since those days...... up till this day.

And though I still fall short terribly of His glory, I know that His grace will bring me through, as long as I continue to cling on to Him all the days of my remaining life, creating new memories in Him.

it was one of the most humbling experience
and one of the most touching moments in my life
as we sang together, i was moved by how singing can connect people together regardless of the disparity in their intellectual level.
they were so happy
one moved so vigorously to the music
i knew that was the moment God prepared for us, to feel His love in the midst.
Because at that point in time, I feel that God is telling me these are His little ones, and He loves them.

i wish life were simpler.
i wish i can be contented with a few action songs.
i wish art and craft of pasting eyes, nose, mouth, and hair can fill me with joy overflowing.

im weary
at times i wish i didnt have to care or worry so much
instead i wish i am being cared for

i wish i only need to care about myself and my own salvation
but thats not how it is
He wants us to build each other up.

was thinking of the hymn "teach me to pray" while praying just now
i really need that power
power from the Holy Spirit
power with men, and power with God

was also thinking about the verse
"in quietness and confidence shall be your strength" (Isaiah 30:15)
i desire to keep quiet
i desire not to speak until I know my own heart
something's very wrong here
and i need to reflect

but i am really very very humbled and grateful for the chance to serve the JYs again
i only hope they all went home full of the grace of God
and overflowing with His love to love others.
there is only so much one can do
and for now
perhaps i should consider a retreat for myself.