the time of singing has come!

It's been difficult
To breathe

To take a deep breath in and to exhale 
Requires consciousness and effort

I wonder what is it that I'm struggling with
Is it the internal or the external?

Am I fighting within or without?
Am I changing without my awareness?

I feel like I'm on a swing
Being tossed back and forth
And I'm being swung up higher and higher
It's scary
Yet
I don't want to stop either

Chasing after happiness or seeking after God? 
What outcome do I want? 

How the soul stirs
How the body trembles
How the heart is unquiet
How the limbs move with unrest
How the mind wander from thought to thought
How the heart jumps from emotion to emotion

Lord God Almighty,
Did You see it all?

Did You see the war within our very own body?
Did You see how we fight with our body in order to know You more, in order to trust You more?

Fearful, yet hopeful.
Incredible, but in awe.
Worried, yet at peace.

Struggle, wrestle, strife, but...
in order to hold on even tighter
To You.

I am in awe.
Because I find no words to express the works of Your hand.
You were there from the very first cry to the very last breath.
You saw our hearts from the beginning to the end.
You have always been there, haven't You?
I see You there, with him.
All the way.

Will You stay with him till the end?

-----

While walking home after church and having these thoughts running through my mind, I suddenly feel like I'm already used to walking alone with praises singing in my ears. Wonder if this might mean a new chapter? Am I ready?

Labels: contemplation, encountering God