rogerian's self-concept
Today was a horrible day. Horrible inside my heart. Two times, tears threatened to fall. One was on the way to school; the other was on the bus back home at night. Maybe it is my hormones acting up.... the period of emo-ness for girls. I don't really know why I feel like crying, but perhaps my body knows that crying will help relieve some stress for me.
I just got home. And everyone was asleep already. I was glad for Hann's welcome though. He still woke up to greet me, although he was already sleeping. :D
Yesterday when I got home, I didn't even change my clothes and already got down to do my readings. My brother was like :O "你需要这么夸张吗？" lol..... I can already feel the strain on my eyes. They are constantly dry. I wonder how people can survive with contacts and so little sleep! And my head is constantly feeling heavy too.
Anyway, back to today. The evil in me was fighting to surface again. Or perhaps it did. I really struggled throughout the entire day. I think it's cos of all the stress from schoolwork? Plus, I thought I had been working hard? But it turns out that it just isn't enough, well, compared to my friends. Sometimes I feel tired trying to contantly chase after them from behind.
And, I don't know. I think I am just a weird character. It happened in theolo too. I assume too much for the wrong things? Like, I would think that if a friend didn't keep in contact, he/she really doesn't like me, and that each time I actually go and find him/her, I am actually a bother to the person. It seemed reasonable and logical, right?? Or I just assumed that a friend would prefer another person's company rather than mine and so I would avoid that friend. ): Plus, I am just not good with three-persons relationships. Which is why my close friends are all one person from here, another one from there, etc etc.
Nope, I didn't write this to condemn my friends in school. I love each of them. It's just that I don't know why it is so hard sometimes. Others don't seem to have this problem. And I remember the sermon which says if you keep encountering the same issues over and over again, then the problem is not with the external, but the problem is me myself. It isn't fair to show my flat affect to my friends and expect them to accept it.
So, I spent the entire day today trying to adjust my inner heart. I really feel very stressed and tired I think but I want to press on. I want to finish all my work on time. I want to also have time for the people I love. I can do it de... I keep repeating to myself on the train.
I miss joyce so much! Received the HUGE parcel two days ago (haha, ok la, not that huge, can still fit into letterbox) with lots of surprises. I was really touched. I can't remember if I actually mentioned to her before that I like those stuffs or she actually knows before I need to tell her?! Felt so loved. Thanks, beloved!
There are other people whom I really want to meet up with, but it is just so hard to find the time. ): press onnnn
The day didn't end so bad, and I am grateful I didn't burst in front of my friends. I know it is hard for them, or anyone in fact, to really know me. So, despite all the difficulties, I know that I am glad for having them around.
I just got home. And everyone was asleep already. I was glad for Hann's welcome though. He still woke up to greet me, although he was already sleeping. :D
Yesterday when I got home, I didn't even change my clothes and already got down to do my readings. My brother was like :O "你需要这么夸张吗？" lol..... I can already feel the strain on my eyes. They are constantly dry. I wonder how people can survive with contacts and so little sleep! And my head is constantly feeling heavy too.
Anyway, back to today. The evil in me was fighting to surface again. Or perhaps it did. I really struggled throughout the entire day. I think it's cos of all the stress from schoolwork? Plus, I thought I had been working hard? But it turns out that it just isn't enough, well, compared to my friends. Sometimes I feel tired trying to contantly chase after them from behind.
And, I don't know. I think I am just a weird character. It happened in theolo too. I assume too much for the wrong things? Like, I would think that if a friend didn't keep in contact, he/she really doesn't like me, and that each time I actually go and find him/her, I am actually a bother to the person. It seemed reasonable and logical, right?? Or I just assumed that a friend would prefer another person's company rather than mine and so I would avoid that friend. ): Plus, I am just not good with three-persons relationships. Which is why my close friends are all one person from here, another one from there, etc etc.
Nope, I didn't write this to condemn my friends in school. I love each of them. It's just that I don't know why it is so hard sometimes. Others don't seem to have this problem. And I remember the sermon which says if you keep encountering the same issues over and over again, then the problem is not with the external, but the problem is me myself. It isn't fair to show my flat affect to my friends and expect them to accept it.
So, I spent the entire day today trying to adjust my inner heart. I really feel very stressed and tired I think but I want to press on. I want to finish all my work on time. I want to also have time for the people I love. I can do it de... I keep repeating to myself on the train.
I miss joyce so much! Received the HUGE parcel two days ago (haha, ok la, not that huge, can still fit into letterbox) with lots of surprises. I was really touched. I can't remember if I actually mentioned to her before that I like those stuffs or she actually knows before I need to tell her?! Felt so loved. Thanks, beloved!
There are other people whom I really want to meet up with, but it is just so hard to find the time. ): press onnnn
The day didn't end so bad, and I am grateful I didn't burst in front of my friends. I know it is hard for them, or anyone in fact, to really know me. So, despite all the difficulties, I know that I am glad for having them around.
