Fear
I had a great weekend with my family, especially time spent with my brother and mother, and as I sat journalling my weekend and preparing my schedule book for the days ahead, I subconsciously am also counting my days... and somehow I can't help but feel this certain unrest within me, a certain brooding like I need to get something out of my chest, yet I know not how to describe this.
While my husband sat a feet away from me, I still can't help but feel a certain fear griped my heart - a fear of not being known, a fear of not having true connection, a fear of not having people who truly know you, love you, and are for you.
What if all the fun we have are just... nothing? What if we could have all the parties and gatherings in the world but at the end of the day, when all come to an end, they are just vanities? Or have I not known true friendships enough to conclude that? Have I not partaken in true fellowship to have think like that?
I hope that my brother did make some wonderful memories last night, with his awesome groups of friends. I do hope that sweet memories linger and add on to the friendship and bond that already exist and only make it stronger.
I only hope that I know true friendships too.
Suddenly feel so alone.
Labels: alone, contemplation
