the time of singing has come!

i know i am pretty much an emo person. except perhaps during theolo every december, you see the crazy side of me... i don't know why too. sometimes it just seems like there isn't much to be happy about. i mean, things of this world are so temporary. they come, and they go.

i spend a lot of time to think. every night, i take out my diary and i think about what happened for the entire day. i think about how i felt, what i thought about... and i jot them down.

when i see a butterfly fluttering its wings happily past me, i'll stop to admire the sight. when i see the rain falling quietly, but strongly, i'll take time out to take in the dampness of the air. when i see the sun peeking shyly through the clouds, i'll pause to play peek-a-boo with it and to be hugged by its warmth.

i used to desire to share all these with somebody. somebody who equally delights in the sun and the butterfly. somebody who equally finds joy in taking time off to look at the rain, to feel the wind. but gradually, i learnt that even if i am alone, the joy from all these doesn't diminish. in fact, at times, i feel even happier, because i know those were my private moments with my Lord.

you know, many things that i see around me sadden me. but i can only learn to swallow them in. im sad over my own weakness too. i wish i can overcome that and truly be someone God is proud of. i... feel powerless when i know that i cannot overcome my weakness. and.. i really don't like it.

i... just wanted to have a fresh start again. but many things are coming back either to haunt me or to remind me of the past. the more i want to escape, the more i am made to face it. is that really what You want, God? i am quite lost... i just want to hear Your voice, and wherever You want me to go, i will go. i just need to hear Your voice.