Forgiveness
Thoughts of running away surfaced again.
I am feeling tired. It has only been one week of school but already I feel the pressure. I am feeling tired physically, because of the lack of rest these two days; but I am also feeling quite tired mentally. Maybe it's the pressure to work really hard this semester. Or the pressure to make sure I don't waste away this last semester. Or the pressure to really move on and make good and full use of my life that God has given me. But yet my weakness continues to stay with me. I can't get rid of it. I can't do what God would be pleased to see me do. I can't do that which would bring shame to the devil but glory to God. I don't want to continue like this for another five years. I can't imagine how that five years would be like. It will be a total waste of time, and probably by then I will be like a walking zombie.
One thought came to my mind today.
Forgiveness.
I came across this video the other day and it has been on my mind...
Were you touched (if you understand the chinese characters or the cantonese) by it?
I realised that I am still not able to forgive. I asked God to help me forgive, as God had forgiven me. Then suddenly I thought, maybe the reason why I can't feel the complete forgiveness of God is because I haven't completely forgiven others? I don't know if this is erroneous belief. But I had a sudden thought that the day or the moment I can finally really forgive others, I would also feel the forgiveness of God then. I had the thought that I would be freed then. I would experience true joy and peace at that moment. And I really really yearn for that.
This also made me realised that I might not have forgiven someone from long ago. I always thought that I had forgiven him, that I would even be happy if he would come to the knowledge of the truth. But God wants me to see my own weakness, that I ain't that good.. If he were to really appear in front of me and have his presence around me all the time, can I really take it? If I can't, have I really forgiven him? :( Have I really forgotten the past, the hurt, and the pain?
They say time will heal all things. I only know that I don't want to waste five years (or more!) like this. I want to quickly move on to greater things for God. There really isn't much time left.
It still haven't been easy for me. I am sorry for my weakness. Please give me time (and some space - if these will help).
我的心啊，你何时才能放下？
I am feeling tired. It has only been one week of school but already I feel the pressure. I am feeling tired physically, because of the lack of rest these two days; but I am also feeling quite tired mentally. Maybe it's the pressure to work really hard this semester. Or the pressure to make sure I don't waste away this last semester. Or the pressure to really move on and make good and full use of my life that God has given me. But yet my weakness continues to stay with me. I can't get rid of it. I can't do what God would be pleased to see me do. I can't do that which would bring shame to the devil but glory to God. I don't want to continue like this for another five years. I can't imagine how that five years would be like. It will be a total waste of time, and probably by then I will be like a walking zombie.
One thought came to my mind today.
Forgiveness.
I came across this video the other day and it has been on my mind...
Were you touched (if you understand the chinese characters or the cantonese) by it?
I realised that I am still not able to forgive. I asked God to help me forgive, as God had forgiven me. Then suddenly I thought, maybe the reason why I can't feel the complete forgiveness of God is because I haven't completely forgiven others? I don't know if this is erroneous belief. But I had a sudden thought that the day or the moment I can finally really forgive others, I would also feel the forgiveness of God then. I had the thought that I would be freed then. I would experience true joy and peace at that moment. And I really really yearn for that.
This also made me realised that I might not have forgiven someone from long ago. I always thought that I had forgiven him, that I would even be happy if he would come to the knowledge of the truth. But God wants me to see my own weakness, that I ain't that good.. If he were to really appear in front of me and have his presence around me all the time, can I really take it? If I can't, have I really forgiven him? :( Have I really forgotten the past, the hurt, and the pain?
They say time will heal all things. I only know that I don't want to waste five years (or more!) like this. I want to quickly move on to greater things for God. There really isn't much time left.
It still haven't been easy for me. I am sorry for my weakness. Please give me time (and some space - if these will help).
我的心啊，你何时才能放下？
sometimes the faster u hope to recover, the longer it will take. jus hold on to the hope that it will go away, and devote time to pray to God as often as u can. maybe u need to take urself out of ur position and relook the whole world again to find urself again.
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:00 AM
Hey MX, just wanted to say jiayou :-) the journey is hard, but take it easy, one step at a time, im sure u will get there eventually. take care of urself ya? will pray for u!!
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:16 PM
hey see ern (:
miss you! hope all is well with you too. write me someday soon!
and.. thanks.
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:34 AM