some thoughts...
i totally have an upset stomach today. ): but am glad i met up with church brethrens to have dinner with natalia.. probably the last time i will see her.. anyway I was quite moved by the concern they showed for me. esp the "toasted bun without butter"! he's really like a big brother to me (:
and speaking of brothers and brethrens.... baptism is scheduled on Nov 26 already. How should i raise the question again this time? a few younger youths in church are urging me to get baptised. YES. I wish I could. I wish I could do so without worries and happily. But what I really need is your prayers. And God to open the way. I wish I could quickly grow up sometimes. Both mentally and spiritually. Perhaps shed my childish nature. Then perhaps my parents will allow me more freedom and autonomy. Then I can also help out more in church. I really just want to serve God.. with my voice, with my hands, with my limited knowledge, with my limited resources. I enjoy fellowship and I look forward to the eternal fellowship in the heavenly kingdom to come.
haha... can you sense the depressed mood coming out again? nahh. I am just very overwhelmed by God's love and grace. Truly feel indebted and yet unable to repay. I thought i was so close... so close to salvation.. that my family might be accepting of my belief already. but each time my mother showed her displeasure towards me spending so much time in church, my spirit gets drenched again. Its like I have got to climb all over again.
And then I saw also the JY'95 group photo. and I look at them, more than ten years later after that photo, in front of my eyes. How envious am I! I also want to grow up in church, protected under God's arms. I also want to form lasting friendship and brotherhood in Christ. But then, God brought me back to His fold, didn't He? Perhaps He has been also walking with me ever since I was born... preparing the day I should get to know Him.
Now... my long-term goal is in my heavenly kingdom. Whereas my short-term goal is to be a part of this household of God. and my greatest desire is to sing for God.
and speaking of brothers and brethrens.... baptism is scheduled on Nov 26 already. How should i raise the question again this time? a few younger youths in church are urging me to get baptised. YES. I wish I could. I wish I could do so without worries and happily. But what I really need is your prayers. And God to open the way. I wish I could quickly grow up sometimes. Both mentally and spiritually. Perhaps shed my childish nature. Then perhaps my parents will allow me more freedom and autonomy. Then I can also help out more in church. I really just want to serve God.. with my voice, with my hands, with my limited knowledge, with my limited resources. I enjoy fellowship and I look forward to the eternal fellowship in the heavenly kingdom to come.
haha... can you sense the depressed mood coming out again? nahh. I am just very overwhelmed by God's love and grace. Truly feel indebted and yet unable to repay. I thought i was so close... so close to salvation.. that my family might be accepting of my belief already. but each time my mother showed her displeasure towards me spending so much time in church, my spirit gets drenched again. Its like I have got to climb all over again.
And then I saw also the JY'95 group photo. and I look at them, more than ten years later after that photo, in front of my eyes. How envious am I! I also want to grow up in church, protected under God's arms. I also want to form lasting friendship and brotherhood in Christ. But then, God brought me back to His fold, didn't He? Perhaps He has been also walking with me ever since I was born... preparing the day I should get to know Him.
Now... my long-term goal is in my heavenly kingdom. Whereas my short-term goal is to be a part of this household of God. and my greatest desire is to sing for God.
