the time of singing has come!

There are two kinds of faith. One is faith given by God, planted in our hearts. When God give us this faith, this is irresistible grace such that one can never resist God and will truly believe. And then once saved, always saved.

The other faith would be what is called 'faithful living'. Therefore, you may have faith in God, but not faithful living, since they are two different things. That is when some people after believing in God still persist in their old ways. They do have faith, but just that they don't have faithful living. This second faith is what is mentioned in James, when he talked about faith without deeds is dead.

Whereas the first faith, you don't have to do anything. Because it is grace freely given by God. When we say "freely given", we really mean FREE. Nothing needs to be done. You just need to believe and that faith when you believe is given by God! So, you really no need to do anything. Nope, no need water baptism.

Next, on predestination and free will. Take this analogy, man A is going to shoot another guy. Man B hates this other guy too. Man B knows that man A is going to shoot this guy, but he also planted this chip in man A so that if man A decides not to kill at the last min, man B can trigger the thing in man A's head so that man A will still shoot the guy. What happened was, man A killed the guy on his own accord. But think about this, even if man A didn't want to kill at the last min, the result will still be the same, because man B will still trigger the thing in man A's head such that man A will be the one to shoot the guy. Whatever you do, the result will still be the same.

Everything that happened is God's will. It is 100% God's will and 100% man's will.

Once saved, always saved. You can't lose your salvation. It may be that you never had it in the first place. Maybe you didn't bear fruits. but they are just for rewards in heaven, whether your reward will be big or small in heaven, depending on the fruits you bear. But, onced saved, always saved.

AAAHHHH. my head is gonna explode. I still can't think through these concepts that my friend brought up, and to come up with the right doctrines to correct them. I was overconfident. I thought I had the Truth and the Holy Spirit, and that was enough for my words to hold power and authority such that he can't not believe. I never thought it was going to be so hard. It was like my first time discussing doctrines with christian friends and yet, I failed terribly, didn't I? I really don't know. I felt ashamed. I feel weak. I feel that I have nothing. No wisdom. No words. No power in my preaching. Is God with me? Did I do something wrong such that God wasn't with me? Or was it a test to teach me humility? But I just wanted to win souls over to the Truth. If I have the Truth, why couldn't it do so?

I feel scared now to preach. I feel that I have no capability to do so. I thought I could. But I couldn't. I felt so down yesterday that I desperately wanted to go church and pray.

But somehow, I know that I do have the Truth. It's just that I am not trained to use it. I do have the sword of the Spirit but I have not been practising with it. So it couldn't pierce through the heart to convince the other party. Through prayers, I am even more convinced that I have the Holy Spirit and that this is the Truth that I believe in. Just that now, I am a little weak... I am a little shakened... but as long as I pray more, I am sure I will recover from this, and be strengthened through this incident.

Im worried that I will fall away. Other doctrines really do seem easier to believe in. They also can explain everything I argued about, until I have nothing to say.

Bonne reminded me that when you preached until you have nothing to say le, just say three words, "Come and see." How true, and how sweet. I actually forgot.. or I actually didn't have the confidence...

I don't want to fall away. I like the Holy Spirit. I like how it reassures me when I pray. I have confidence in what I believe in. But I have no confidence in myself.

Cheer up!!!! I need to pray....

有时还是会觉得自己的存在是多余的。有时候的感觉就好像自己是个add-on。有或没有也还真的没有关系。我没有在emo, 只是想把一些感触写出来。昨天玩得很开心，但是回到家后竟然哭了。我自己也不明白。。可能是身体疲累吧。

问题到底出在哪里？有问题吗？
所以，我就说嘛，我不是一个group person。在一个group里面，我老是那个跟在后头的。老是在谈话中发现有一部分时候不晓得他们在谈些什么。如果他们不告诉我，我也习惯不问。因为可能是一些他们不想让别人知道的事？他们要说，他们会说的。他们要邀请你，他们会主动邀请的。若他们真的有心要你加入他们，他们会记得加入你那一份的。如果没有，那显然的是还没有把你看为是一起的。。那，就不要太勉强吧。。

可能需要时间。可能永远不可能。
可能是神给我的孤独操练。
我会努力的。
我会努力不把一些使我难过的事放在心上。
我会努力孤独，但也会尽力与人来往，因为我知道这是神希望我做的。

请不要太敏感，也不要太在意我所说的。不需要给我来个简讯。我ok的，也没有埋怨任何人（：
其实，也很有可能是自己因为青年班上的撒迦利亚第八章所感动，而使得情绪受到影响。

Zec 8:2
"Thus says the LORD of hosts:
'I am zealous for Zion with great zeal;
With great fervor I am zealous for her.'

How comforting it is to know that God still cares for His Church. Despite the many problems we see in church, God is still zealous for His people. Yes, in the end times, the Church may face even more trials, but I believe God will perfect those who are true. Those whose heart are sanctified for God. These will be the true Church in the last days.

Just a while back, I had thought that it was inevitable for the Church to face problems and dissension in the last days. So the concept I had in my mind was that God was just sitting back and looking at the Church. And then those who emerged true will be with God, other hypocrites will eventually depart from the glory of God.

I guess I was wrong. God is zealous for His church. He is constantly working as well. Just as each of us is constantly striving to meet the standards of God, He is also constantly working to perfect each and everyone of us.

Phl 1:6
being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Sigh! My great God. The more I know about Him, the more I love Him.


As I was praying for the Church, Moses' prayer to God after the golden calf incident kept coming to my mind.

Exodus 32:11-13
Then Moses pleaded with the LORD his God, and said: "LORD, why does Your wrath burn hot against Your people whom You have brought out of the land of Egypt with great power and with a mighty hand?

"Why should the Egyptians speak, and say, 'He brought them out to harm them, to kill them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth'? Turn from Your fierce wrath, and relent from this harm to Your people.

"Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, Your servants, to whom You swore by Your own self, and said to them, 'I will multiply your descendants as the stars of heaven; and all this land that I have spoken of I give to your descendants, and they shall inherit it forever.'"

Sometimes, it appears like God has washed His hands off the Church. But this can never be the case. Can you remember how you were called by the Lord? Or how your parents or grandparents were called? It wasn't something easy. It takes time and effort to come to understand the truth. It takes courage to accept it. Yet, throughout the entire period of truth-seeking, God is with you, guiding you. He took great pain to lead you to the truth. And then all these people now form His Church. This is His Church. God will never give up on His Church easily, those whom He has called and purchased with His blood. Why would He, when He had took such effort to guide you to know Him?

And then we can also pray to God that He preserve the Church, so that gentiles will not have any thing to say against God. There are already many verbal persecutions against the Church. We must never fall. We must never let gentiles have something to say against God.

And finally, we must remember the promise of God. The promise of the eternal kingdom that awaits those who are true towards Him.

Don't be afraid to feel.

Always get in touch with your inner feelings.

Otherwise, your heart will grow mould, and eventually die.

So much has happened for the past month, the month of december 2007. So much has happened within my own heart too. It was hardened. It was broken. It was weak. It was healed. It was strengthened. It has to be the best theolo out of the three years, although there is still room for improvement definitely.

I have talked to so many people. Heard quite many stories. Also received advice. I learnt that indeed, each has his own cross to bear and to carry. I do feel sad that I am not able to help some others carry their cross. The only thing I can do is to pray that they have the strength to carry their own cross, for Jesus. In theolo, I watched this bunch of kids grow up. It is indeed encouraging. It is my hope, and I know God's hope as well, that these youngsters will continue in the good way that they are on right now and continue to stay together in the Church.

It was also a month whereby secrets were dug out. My own secrets. I realised that it isn't beneficial at all to keep secrets within you that you fear others will know. Of course, you have to keep secret those things that others entrusted you to keep lah.. But imagine, if nobody had secrets, this world will have no secrets, and everyone can face each other plainly and openly. 坦然地相对。How wonderful! That would be heaven. (:

Concealed weaknesses. You got to find that weakness and dig it out and present it before God. You got to face God plainly and openly. Otherwise, it is no different from deceiving God hey.. You haven't presented yourself totally before God. You are keeping some things back. You got to face up to that weakness, even if it will hurt you just thinking about it. You bring it to God in prayers and ask Him to take it away. You bring your weakness before God and He will make you strong. Don't try to fake strong in front of God. Don't pretend that it doesn't hurt you.

My concealed weakness. That was my secret. I feel so glad to be able to say it out finally, to people who meant so much to me, to people who are so special to me. I am so happy I am able to face my own weakness finally. No longer hiding from it. Whatever this may bring me, I shall see how God leads... But in any case, I am sure I am made so much stronger now, by God's grace. (: 神真是用心良苦！

The year 2007 had ended. It was a good year. Very fast, but a good year. Thinking back, there were Sabah trip, EWR at Edinburgh, ... then there was the death of my grandpa, which through it, God allowed me to grow.. then there was so many first experiences in serving the Lord, especially during theolo. And then I graduated from student theolo.. I no longer have the privilege or the excuse to be immature in the things of the Lord anymore. And finally, God allowed me to face up to my own concealed weaknesses.

A good start to a new year. (: 2008 will be good too. And if in the new year, I can finally keep my resolution which I had set for 2007, which is not to be late :X, then it will be one of the best years indeed. wahaha.