the time of singing has come!

One of my boys went crazy today. He was crazy with anger and started screaming and shouting, kicking down tables and chairs.

Of course, he did not do this because of nothing. He was provoked to anger by a classmate. Prior to this, he has been quite a tame and well-behaved boy in my class and so it was the first time I saw him like that.

His classmates and I were holding him back and trying to calm him down. The girl who provoked him was frightened; perhaps, traumatised is a better word. She cried and was later afraid to go near him. I had to calm her down and reassure her.

And for the rest of the day, this occupied my mind. There were many thoughts. Other than the usual about my own incompetence as a teacher, I was myself pretty traumatised by what I saw.

I saw how a sweet boy can suddenly change to become a "monster".
I saw bloodshot eyes that screamed and threatened to hurt.
I saw impulsive violent behaviour that needed to be held back or else who knows what might happen.
I felt the strength that angry people can possess in their moment of wrath.
I heard the frustration and anger let out in order to release the tension within.

I felt bad not to have noticed the build-up of these negative emotions in the boy. He mentioned he had tolerated long enough, and yet I have not realised it.

And I was scared myself. Frightened by how man can just suddenly change and become a totally different person. Someone who has lost control of himself and is led away by emotions. Someone who is out of reach and incomprehensible. But thats how the world is, isn't it?

Today my students saw how someone can change literally, carried away by his emotions. In the future, they will experience how people will suddenly change their mind, carried away by their own selfish desires, and turning their backs on them. They will meet people who has lost themselves in the world, carried along by the lust of the world.

Are they ready to face that?

I wasn't... and I'm still not sure if I am ready now.

I still think that humans are far too complex for my understanding, myself included. But I do think that my students are more blessed than most people, for they are simple in their hearts, they won't think so much.

I told the girl not to think so much, that the boy is okay, and that he is calm now. Yet, I just spent an entire day to contemplate about this matter. :/ Well.... I really needed to make sense of my thoughts and feelings, and I'm glad now to be able to pen this down.

And please don't misunderstand my intentions here. I am in no way putting down any of my students. I still love them a lot, and if God is willing to use me to help them, then I hope I am able to make a difference in their lives, no matter how small it may be.

Tomorrow will be a good day, for it is a fresh start again!