the time of singing has come!

I like meaningful, heart-to-heart conversations.

Thank you for making my day so wonderful today, all you who took your time and spent it on me.

Thank you for your openness, genuineness, and trust. These are the most precious gifts that I seek to find, but which most aren't willing to give, because giving these away will put the person in a vulnerable state.

Yet it is often in such vulnerability that we find healing. It is in our weakness that we can find strength.

God bless. :)

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

A day of being a living dead.
Living with no hope for the future.
Just passing the day in fear, awaiting condemnation.
In fact, already condemned.
What hope is left?
Why am I still here?
Shouldn't I just curse Him and die?
Is there still left any room for negotiation?
Is there still a chance of forgiveness?
Why am I condemned because of someone else's wrong?
Have I done wrong in the sight of God?
Am I really forever lost?

A day as a living dead.
I get to experience what it is like.
And I can understand why most would just give up.
Since there is already no hope, since I am already condemned, why should I still care?
Eat, drink, and be merry!
But that's not what I want.
Why can't I be reconciled with Him?
Why can't I serve Him?

A day as a living dead; it really felt horrible.
I hope that I won't ever fall into that deep pit.
Because I don't ever want to be condemned by God nor by man.
In my loneliness and helplessness, I could only seek Him through prayers.
I told Him I don't want to die and that I am afraid.
Thank God He answered me and He reminded me that the Holy Spirit in me is evidence of His love for me, and He has chosen me and He still loves me.
I must remember this debt of mine and repay God's mercy.

God is love.. and the basis for all that He does is love.

Labels: contemplation, counting grace, encountering God

We were late again today.

Late to have proper breakfast and lunch before we headed for church.
Late to go for morning service.
Late to wake up. Because we were late to sleep last night.
In the end,  we were still late for afternoon service.
Just like last week.

What is wrong?
I realise two persons' inertia is much greater than one's.
And I had thought two persons determination might be better than striving alone.

It turns out to be harder than I thought.

This isn't going the way I had imagined.

What is wrong?

We quickly settled down and I kept myself engaged by taking notes. But at the corner of my eyes, I see him nodding off. Why does this happen every service? What is wrong with him?

But I realise that before I see the speck in my brother's eye, I ought to consider the plank in my eyes. Why do I also find myself nodding off during services when the word ought to have satisfy my need? What is this taste, bland, and tasteless?

I find myself asking what am I here for? What am I doing? Am I happy? 

The deacon spoke about a balanced life, one that puts God first and in the centre. I know, I do know, from the core of my being I know, that if God is centre in my life, everything else will fall in place. I will be happy. I know that. But why is it so hard to put things into action? Why is it getting harder now that I must move not only one wretched being, but two?

I'm tired of this really.

The deacon exhorts that we must organise the clutter in our lives and let God take center stage. Only then can we see that our lives will become more balanced and things will fall into place better.

I desperately need to clear the clutter.

Last night, there was a huge flying cockroach in our room which escaped under our bed.  We slept in fear. This is not how I want things to be.

I need to clear the clutter in my life, so that I can find what I need easily. I need God. I desperately need Him.

I'll start with organising the clutter in our room first. Start with the physical and eventually the spiritual is what matters. Get rid of the cockroach. Wait for me, God.

Labels: encountering God

还以为自己是坚强的，可以没有他。
以为自己的灵性比较坚强，需要带着他。
以为就算没有他，只要我有神就好。

但原来自己是骄傲的。
原来已经在很多方面是需要他的存在、帮助。
原来神是藉着他教导我 一人独居不好。

两个人的相处让我看见自己的缺点、不好，而去做得更好。

I am beginning to see that it is not fair to tell him, "I only need God and that is enough."
Because the truth is, I need him on this journey of faith.
I need him to see my own weaknesses and pride. I need him to reflect on my own principles, values, even judgmental thinkings sometimes.
I think God is using him and using our relationship to teach me, and to refine me.
He is also teaching me to trust in Him..

我需要神，
但在这世上、在行走这天国路上，我也需要他。

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

做了那场梦之后，似乎我的心结已经打开。

I have been in a bad dream for far too long.

Perhaps God has answered my prayers and granted me a dream to end it off.

While dreams are unreal, some times dreams seemed so real, isn't it?

This dream had seemed so real that I thank God for it.

Not because I'm escaping from reality and choose to hide in my fantasies.

But because I have come to realize that some things need no formal conclusion.

Especially when things have passed and years have passed and everyone has moved on, I must learn to put it down and move on too.

Yes, certain memories will linger.. I will be sentimental... But right now, I have my things around me to cherish and hold on tightly to. If I don't learn to put down the past, I'll never learn to hold the present in my hand and treasure it.

And indeed, God has loved me so much... And given me so much...

Some things need no formal conclusion and there is no point to dig up the past. But my dear God is merciful enough to allow me a conclusion in my own dream. He knows me so well..

I was really happy in the dream.. Not because I want to go back to the past but because I think I'm ready to move on, with smiles on my face. With smiles on your face... On everyone's face.

I pray that the good Lord would bless all of us happy marriages, and that through learning how to love one another, we learn how to love God, and how He really love us. <3

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

You must have influenced me, because I am not sure how I am feeling...
Partly anxious, partly excited
Partly uncertain, partly settled
Hasn't it been an amazing journey?
Hasn't He been so wonderful?
Hasn't He been most faithful?

He will indeed not withhold good things from those who truly love Him, those who delight in Him.
As we (I feel like it's a new start for me too!) begin this new life,
remember that
He only is good
He only is love
He only is worthy
of our lifelong pursuit.

May you find all your heart's desire in Him.
May we find all our hearts' desire in Him.

Blessings!

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

How the soul stirs
How the body trembles
How the heart is unquiet
How the limbs move with unrest
How the mind wander from thought to thought
How the heart jumps from emotion to emotion

Lord God Almighty,
Did You see it all?

Did You see the war within our very own body?
Did You see how we fight with our body in order to know You more, in order to trust You more?

Fearful, yet hopeful.
Incredible, but in awe.
Worried, yet at peace.

Struggle, wrestle, strife, but...
in order to hold on even tighter
To You.

I am in awe.
Because I find no words to express the works of Your hand.
You were there from the very first cry to the very last breath.
You saw our hearts from the beginning to the end.
You have always been there, haven't You?
I see You there, with him.
All the way.

Will You stay with him till the end?

-----

While walking home after church and having these thoughts running through my mind, I suddenly feel like I'm already used to walking alone with praises singing in my ears. Wonder if this might mean a new chapter? Am I ready?

Labels: contemplation, encountering God

Lord, I know, I know, but...

Labels: contemplation, encountering God, the sword of the Spirit

It felt like I've been gone so long; my life put on hold and I am allowed to stray....

It felt like God isn't there and He wouldn't know and it doesn't count whatever wrongs I may commit.. I can still catch up when I am back. I can still turn back to the right path.

It's okay to enter into lala-land.. It's okay.. It's okay.. That same old voice which spoke to the first woman is also trying to reach out to me now.

I switched on the tv.

I see lands overwhelmed by tsunami waters and houses and cars swept along like a child playing Lego and ground ripped open and things collapsed.

I see mothers crying at the first moment when they could make phone calls and they heard their children's voice.

I see people going back to the wrecked places, broken and ruined, and in pieces.. And they tried, still try, to find that hope of life, of breathing, of struggle..

Where there is still a struggle, there is life.

And I see miracle rescues, of man being trapped for days, and still very much alive!

Where there is struggle, there is life.

While these people are putting up such a good fight against the harsh realities that had came upon them, not wanting to concede defeat,...

Everything around them may have collapsed, broken, ruined, utterly destroyed.... but they are not going to let themselves be broken.

I look at them, and I think about myself.

Where there is struggle, there is life.

Where is my struggle? Have I so easily given in to the temptations and lies of the world and forgotten how much God means to me? Have I really been deceived that God doesn't know and that it is really okay? Do I not remember that God is holy?

I need to learn from Japan and put up a fight. The world around me may be broken and no more, but I am not gonna allow myself to be broken.

I want to be complete, and perfect, when Jesus comes again.

----

Have been feeling a little depressed these few days. At the very first when I got to know about Japan's situation, I was going to write a post starting with, "How am I supposed to..."

How am I supposed to get on with my lesson planning and worry about whether everything will run smoothly in class the next day when the waters are rushing onto lands and roads and overwhelming everything?

How am I supposed to eat my lunch and decide not to finish it because I have no appetite, when many are going hungry and cold, happily satisfied with something that's warm?

How am I supposed to be out shopping and catching up with friends when people are stranded and separated and crying and scared?

How am I supposed to get on with my life when people can't get on with their life anymore, at least not how it used to be?

I haven't been able to sleep well, spending the time on bed mulling over these things and feeling down. I was just not able to make sense of God's ways yet.

But after these few days of mixed emotions, and also realising that I have drifted away from God (see above) because I haven't really been talking to Him, because I don't know what to say to Him, I decided that this isn't the way God wants me to be.

Yes, it is one of the worst disasters ever to happen... and yes, survivors are in a terrible situation, and yes, people are scared and cold and hungry... but I see them still holding on to hope, and to life.

They are so strong; how can I be so weak?

How can I glue myself to the television and watch scenes after scenes of the horrible tragedy and only cry? Weeping will not save them! What else can I do?

Ann says,
If I am moved but choose not to respond, won’t I soon harden, unable to respond?

What can I do for you, japan?

... will you join me in prayer?

Labels: contemplation, counting grace, encountering God

You are holy, holy
Lord there is none like You
You are holy, holy
Glory to You alone

I’ll sing Your praises forever
Deeper in love with You
Here in Your courts
Where I’m close to Your throne
I’ve found where I belong

Labels: encountering God, my heart's song

There is never a day so dreary,
There is never a night so long,
But the soul that is trusting Jesus
Will somewhere find a song.

There is never a cross so heavy,
There is never a weight of woe,
But that Jesus will help to carry
Because He loveth so.

There is never a care or burden,
There is never a grief or loss,
But that Jesus in love will lighten
When carried to the cross.

There is never a guilty sinner,
There is never a wan-d'ring one,
But that God can in mercy pardon
Thro' Jesus Christ, His Son.

Wonderful, wonderful Jesus,
In the heart He implanteth a song:
A song of deliv-'rance, of courage, of strength;
In the heart He implanteth a song.

----

I thought I had really lost my song.
A song that can lift my spirits up because the words can heal.
But I found it :)

Days had seemed so dreary and night so long for me recently
The cross to bear seemed so heavy
And God doesn't appear to care about my loss....
But I guess I am just lacking courage and strength
And though I feel like I have been trapped inside a hole for so long, unable to move forward anywhere
Surely He will deliver me!

A song of deliverance, of courage, of strength,
In the heart He implanteth a song.

Labels: encountering God, my heart's song

I live in words. 

Words make me secure. Like I have really lived. 

But I discovered a certain beauty when words cease to exist. 

Like as I walk alone back home, and the gentle, cool breeze brushing against my skin, and the instrumental worship music playing in my ears...

I inhale.

And almost feel like heaven. 

When the day's done, and you know you have worked hard to give God honor and glory and praise throughout the day; when you know you have tried your best to worship God with every minute of your life, then you don't need words anymore for security.

The Spirit Himself gives you the assurance, and the peace that we need.

Even without words, we hear Him. And feel Him in our midst.

Labels: encountering God

NWYS @ Brisbane was awesome.

and that concludes the adventure of jay em as well for now. :D

eat - i have not eaten so much on a trip! but a eating and talking holiday seemed good for us. thank God, for He knows best. and spiritual food, as well, tastes sweet like honey.

pray - confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed (james 5:16). much spiritual lessons learnt and still learning. i stand in awe of His abundant mercies and big big love. He is on His throne, have faith.

love - am humbled by His presence and by what i see and hear. am grateful for His grace for time together and to be a part of all this. to crucify the old sinful man in me, and to pursue after all things good (philippians 4:8). to be resolved to lead a disciplined life for God, for i have seen how He has never given up on me, though i am most unworthy of all.

I am my beloved’s,
and his desire is for me.
(Songs 7:10)

Labels: counting grace, dee jay em adventures, encountering God

I saw that the loop (for holding belt) was sewn back.

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

Labels: encountering God

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered! (Psalm 139:17 NLT)

Labels: contemplation, encountering God

Labels: Bible study, encountering God

A heifer, a female goat, a ram, a turtledove, and a young pigeon.
That's all you required of Abraham.
They say usually the two will walk down the path together.
Why did you walk alone?

What was on your mind when you passed between the halves of the animals?
As you walked along the blood-path, were you thinking about your own sacrifice?
How could you bind yourself to such a covenant, when you know surely we would fail you?
How could you tread on that path of blood alone?

You walked in our stead.
And it cost you your blood.

You took it upon yourself
to fulfil the good you have promised us.

You know we are not able
So you had to take our place
and although you know this is the path you have to take alone
you did it still for me.

You willingly walked alone
Yes...
You willingly bore the burden of the cross
alone
And blood was shed...
So that we remember

This is
Love,
Eternal,
With no beginning and no end.

You loved us since the beginning of time,
And with this same love you would envelop us
till the end of days.

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love..." (Jeremiah 31:3)

-------
Inspired by Genesis 15 and the love of Jesus Christ.
See also Jeremiah 34:18-19.

Labels: Bible study, counting grace, encountering God

Sometimes a heavy thought wears down the mind
And you are not sure the source.
Multiple events come one after another
No space for negotiation of the mind
No time to knock some sense using the Word
And ugly thoughts remain...

Sometimes an ugly thought dulls the soul
When you realise Pride and Selfishness have come by to play
And you had entertained them for a while
thinking they were Warmth and Love
No wonder you feel these negativities
No way you could have hide it from God
And these were revealed just so you know...

Sometimes a light surprises
the Christian while he sings
For in declining comfort, the Lord grants the soul
The breeze of the Holy Spirit calms you
The gentleness of His Voice cheers you
And suddenly the load is taken away
and nothing else matters.
Not any person, not any incident,
not any word or deed.

Sometimes a light surprises you when you least expect it
and that light shines bright into your soul, casting out the dull.

Labels: encountering God