the time of singing has come!

I like meaningful, heart-to-heart conversations.

Thank you for making my day so wonderful today, all you who took your time and spent it on me.

Thank you for your openness, genuineness, and trust. These are the most precious gifts that I seek to find, but which most aren't willing to give, because giving these away will put the person in a vulnerable state.

Yet it is often in such vulnerability that we find healing. It is in our weakness that we can find strength.

God bless. :)

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

Hope is what keeps us alive and moving.

I was so mad at him for leaving me this morning so that he can make his way to work first.

We had both worked up late and he has a group at 830am. He cannot be late.

I have yet to pack for my zumba lesson this evening and still had to so I grudgingly (although unwillingly) agreed to him going first.

I was mad at myself for having been knocked out right after I shower for the past three nights straight. What's more, I slept with my totally wet hair last night and throughout the night knew that I had to get up to dry it. So, I didn't really sleep well.

I was mad at him for not waking me up, for not showing more love, for not interacting more with me. I actually play the blaming game quite well, especially or maybe particularly on my loved ones.

I took my time to pack and left house unhappy. I wonder what bus should I take and I wonder if it matters if I am late. I have no strength, no motivation. I just feel like crap.

I checked the app and indeed, the buses are gonna take 20 min to arrive. Great. Everything is just great. So I decided to walk two busstops down instead for the next bus I have to take, instead of waiting. I thought the walk might calm me down.

The message came in. (Just when I thought I am not going to message him for the entire day today. At least I am not going to initiate.)

"Take 88. Bus 43 and 156 are going to take forever to arrive now."

He had checked the timing of the buses for me.

Although he had to leave first, his heart was still for me.

Though I treated him badly, giving him a reluctant peck when he came to me for our usual goodbye kiss, asking him to go first grudgingly, he still check the bus timing for me. And he is the one running late and distressed! I ought to have been kinder.

The message sent a smile to my heart, and eventually to my face. All the bad feelings from the morning slowly seemed to dissipate into the morning sunshine and I feel my spirit gently lifted up.

Knowing that he still loves me and thinks of me really lift up my mood. Nothing else matters. Not even the fact that he didn't help make the bed again this morning.

Hope keeps me alive and walking forward, thinking that I might catch him at the busstop.

I didn't catch him, but hope that he can make it on time and have a blessed groupwork with his clients. May God bless him richly.

Labels: counting grace, ilovemyhubby, Wifey

A day of being a living dead.
Living with no hope for the future.
Just passing the day in fear, awaiting condemnation.
In fact, already condemned.
What hope is left?
Why am I still here?
Shouldn't I just curse Him and die?
Is there still left any room for negotiation?
Is there still a chance of forgiveness?
Why am I condemned because of someone else's wrong?
Have I done wrong in the sight of God?
Am I really forever lost?

A day as a living dead.
I get to experience what it is like.
And I can understand why most would just give up.
Since there is already no hope, since I am already condemned, why should I still care?
Eat, drink, and be merry!
But that's not what I want.
Why can't I be reconciled with Him?
Why can't I serve Him?

A day as a living dead; it really felt horrible.
I hope that I won't ever fall into that deep pit.
Because I don't ever want to be condemned by God nor by man.
In my loneliness and helplessness, I could only seek Him through prayers.
I told Him I don't want to die and that I am afraid.
Thank God He answered me and He reminded me that the Holy Spirit in me is evidence of His love for me, and He has chosen me and He still loves me.
I must remember this debt of mine and repay God's mercy.

God is love.. and the basis for all that He does is love.

Labels: contemplation, counting grace, encountering God

I know your fears.

I know your anxieties.

They say it would be harder on the girl. And I can say it is probably true. But despite all these sacrifices that was made, in order for this day to take place, there have been rewards too.

Like waking up to seeing someone who would kiss you on the forehead and remind you that you are loved.

Like having someone accompany you through your sickness till you feel better.

Like sharing his favourite shows and knowing him more and more (sometimes, in a weird way).

There had been rough times, of course.

Like when it got so bad that I went back to my parents' home myself and cry my eyes out. But he came down to fetch me when I eventually got home just before midnight. And I know, his parents stayed up and waited for me too, though they didn't say a thing.

There were times when we needed some time apart too else we would be too close for comfort.

Like that time he went off to meet his friend and came back late. His parents probably thought we had another argument and asked him not to drink too much. Haha. I think we were both glad to have the time apart.

It gets better every week and it can only get better with time if two persons have the common goal in mind to build up a loving family that reflects His love.

And so after a month of being a Mrs, I have learnt that I have been quite silly being tied up with all the wedding planning. Because it isn't the wedding that matters, but the marriage that is important.

To be honest, I haven't probably look through all my photos and videos of that day. And we have yet to upload our photos from our honeymoon, or even look at them! You see, girl, life kind of just moves on. Sometimes we can't stay at one moment and try to savour it too long. Otherwise, we would miss out on other beautiful moments.

We move on, with the one we love, and learn to savour each moment with him.

So don't get too worried about the day. Neither should you think too much about what's after. Life has its way of teaching us what we need to learn. And that's because our dear Lord is behind it all. :) so, not to worry.

Labels: counting grace, marriage, Wifey

We have to stop
waiting
for things to happen
before 
we can be happy.

We have to
choose
to be happy
now,
despite 
what is happening.

And...
gratitude
really is
the way to go.

Labels: contemplation, counting grace

还以为自己是坚强的，可以没有他。
以为自己的灵性比较坚强，需要带着他。
以为就算没有他，只要我有神就好。

但原来自己是骄傲的。
原来已经在很多方面是需要他的存在、帮助。
原来神是藉着他教导我 一人独居不好。

两个人的相处让我看见自己的缺点、不好，而去做得更好。

I am beginning to see that it is not fair to tell him, "I only need God and that is enough."
Because the truth is, I need him on this journey of faith.
I need him to see my own weaknesses and pride. I need him to reflect on my own principles, values, even judgmental thinkings sometimes.
I think God is using him and using our relationship to teach me, and to refine me.
He is also teaching me to trust in Him..

我需要神，
但在这世上、在行走这天国路上，我也需要他。

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

做了那场梦之后，似乎我的心结已经打开。

I have been in a bad dream for far too long.

Perhaps God has answered my prayers and granted me a dream to end it off.

While dreams are unreal, some times dreams seemed so real, isn't it?

This dream had seemed so real that I thank God for it.

Not because I'm escaping from reality and choose to hide in my fantasies.

But because I have come to realize that some things need no formal conclusion.

Especially when things have passed and years have passed and everyone has moved on, I must learn to put it down and move on too.

Yes, certain memories will linger.. I will be sentimental... But right now, I have my things around me to cherish and hold on tightly to. If I don't learn to put down the past, I'll never learn to hold the present in my hand and treasure it.

And indeed, God has loved me so much... And given me so much...

Some things need no formal conclusion and there is no point to dig up the past. But my dear God is merciful enough to allow me a conclusion in my own dream. He knows me so well..

I was really happy in the dream.. Not because I want to go back to the past but because I think I'm ready to move on, with smiles on my face. With smiles on your face... On everyone's face.

I pray that the good Lord would bless all of us happy marriages, and that through learning how to love one another, we learn how to love God, and how He really love us. <3

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

My lovely ladies cheered my otherwise gloomy day up by ending my day with laughter, chats, advice, "warnings"!

We shared and updated each other what's current and also talked about our future plans. Two are settling down, busy with wedding plans and marrying into the in-laws first. One seemed likely to be settling down once she get the almost-impossible balloting chance. One seemed possible that she would be heading for further studies overseas.

It's just amazing that we could share without fear of being judged because we know who we are. We might still not be very happy with each other sometimes but we also love each other in a way. It's just strangely comfortable, strangely amazing :) I love these girls.

Labels: counting grace, one thousand gifts, special days

As of now, he may not know the best way to make me feel better when I'm feeling sick... He may even make me feel worse. But that doesn't mean that in time to come, he won't know. He will learn. Because we are both learning how to best support one another.

Labels: counting grace, one of those days

Somehow I feel that this is the path that I have chosen, and so I must continue to walk on in it. Not that it is no good, yes, it isn't my ideal, but it can be really good... And it had been good.

Labels: counting grace

Had such a productive work day today!!

Morning
I had barely finished my breakfast at my workstation and barely chitchat before my student came down unexpectedly to look for me.
- Counselling session
- recess duties
- case notes and paper work for last supervision
Afternoon
I didn't go out for lunch and only gobbled down my chicken rice over my desk work at 2+ pm.
- ukulele lesson
- ukulele delivery and claims/reimbursement
- more paper work for last supervision
- last supervision!

I didn't even remember to put on my ear studs which I had thrown into my bag this morning at home (puts on now..)

Off I go for my first anniversary date!
A girl deserves to enjoy herself after a hard day's work (and after one year of heart-work)! <3 br="br">

Labels: counting grace, special days

I really cannot stop people from doing what they choose to do nor influence how they want to think. And I refuse to fall into the devil's trap to think too much about it too. Not guilty until proven otherwise. Give the benefit of the doubt. :)

As long as I aim to follow after the footsteps of Jesus, I am heading right.

Nice evening spent with fellow sing mates :)

Labels: counting grace

The day's over!! Thank God I made it through. So glad that choir and narration went okay and that people actually feedback that we sang well! Thank God :) we were so afraid.. Or maybe I was afraid :p had little confidence in my choir? :/
So glad that Thomas' friend, E, and my brother came too! And although they weren't especially moved or anything like that, I want to have faith that this seed has already been sown in their hearts. One day, when the time is right, according to God's will, this seed will grow and flourish. Have faith.

ps. my brother could give a brief summary of the night's sermon and also told me that though he didn't pray, (he just sat there and watch people pray), he actually thought of praying, but he just didn't do it.
I guess this is quite encouraging, and I pray that he would respond to God's calling some day..

Labels: counting grace, special days

Time's up.
Stop writing.
Is this the end?

Down the usual corridor.
Along the narrow path.
Does this mark the end?

Click Click.
Snap Snap.
Trying to hold back the time;
Trying to breathe in the air so familiar.
I guess this is the end

... of a beginning.

The beginning of knowing you.
The beginning of a newfound passion.
The beginning of love and of hope
and of ambitions and goals.
It's not even a year
But it feels like way long.
This beginning has been
too awesome to be a song.

My life has changed in ways I can't word
I know it has taken a path I never imagine possible
I have been on an adventure
And I know I'm heading for more!

Even though today marks the end....

It has only just begun. :)

-----
Living by His grace.
Counting His graces that He has never stopped showering on me.
To be honest, I do feel ashamed to only receive but not repay.
I can't wait to return to Him.
Please embrace my return and make me wholly Thine.

Labels: counting grace, special days

Two days
A timely reminder
of how far I have wandered
away
How I have been so blind
and forgetful
of how great His love can be
and is
and of how sweet
fellowship in the Spirit tasted
and how
the love of Christ
binds us

I desire to be immersed in You.

Oh how I miss those theolo days...


----

Two days and one night
or even shorter than that
Crepe and milkshake at Bugis
Char Kway Tiao and Carrot cake at Lau Pasat
Music and lights at Marina Bay Sands
M&Ms Milo cookies in the middle of the night
Haagen Daz and supper over heart-to-heart
A whole day of food and fun at the airport

And every bit of time singled out
in between shopping
in between walking moments
in between the rush

The moment in time that we steal
are the most precious of all.

Labels: awesome theolo, counting grace, dee jay em adventures

You must have influenced me, because I am not sure how I am feeling...
Partly anxious, partly excited
Partly uncertain, partly settled
Hasn't it been an amazing journey?
Hasn't He been so wonderful?
Hasn't He been most faithful?

He will indeed not withhold good things from those who truly love Him, those who delight in Him.
As we (I feel like it's a new start for me too!) begin this new life,
remember that
He only is good
He only is love
He only is worthy
of our lifelong pursuit.

May you find all your heart's desire in Him.
May we find all our hearts' desire in Him.

Blessings!

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

Labels: counting grace

1. Lecturer ended his class earlier and I can get home earlier!

2. Believer Music called because I have not signed up for a slot for next term's lessons. They fear losing me as their client; they value me!

3. My mom called me because she was worried I would be knocked out on the bus journey home. She cares!

And counting....

-------

Starting my list of a thousand gifts since I have been feeling blessed. Might as well share my joy here with the rest of you! :D

Labels: counting grace, one thousand gifts

------------------------

Labels: counting grace

I'm on a journey.

This is taking me through somewhere new, I've never pass through these places before.

At this beginning, there are a group of people with me. Along the way, I'll get to meet new people who may come and go during this journey. But each will bring me a different story (I've just heard a few today!) and I'm eager to listen and share too.

I'm on a journey.

And though it might be a long one, I might doze off, I might be exhausted, I might feel like alighting halfway through... But at the moment, I'm feeling blessed, and excited to be on this journey. And the freshness of it inspires me to keep going.

Yes, I'm only just at the beginning of it; it's hard to say what'll happen next. But it's a good beginning. Yes, sacrifices have to be made but it will be worth it. Jesus made sacrifices too yea?

-------
On the way home on bus 72 after second day of my specialist dip course. I've never taken 72 before and it's gonna be a long ride home.

But I'm feeling blessed, that I'm able to learn and do something I enjoy, something I love, something that is very much me. :) I thank God.

Labels: counting grace