What about them?
I burst into tears after reading my brother's blog. I think I was praying after reading it and somehow, I just couldn't stop the tears anymore. so I let the tears flow. I realised that I dun cry in front of people anymore. I cry only to God.
I asked for God's mercy once again. His mercy on my family. I heard testimonies before about how God seek you to save your whole family as well. I believe in that and I look forward to that day. But what can happen when I dun even have the courage to share with them my faith and testify in front of them? I dun talk to them regarding God. I am weak. I justify my (non)action by thinking that Im waiting for the right time that God will prepare. But most likely it is I who is not making the effort. I can only cry in the silence of the night when all had fallen asleep, thinking about their souls and about the last days.
I am very scared. Very scared that I'll be the one to close this path for my own family. What will God do to me then? I surely wont deserve His grace.
I am very scared that I will cause my brother's downfall. He's sixteen, the most impressionable period of one's life. I wish he come to know God, come to experience His love and grace. But with each day i delay, Im afraid he might be sinking deeper and deeper into the evil, secular world. I am very scared, I keep telling God. Somemore, youths his age in church are already starting to build up their faith and serving God. Am I depriving him of this chance?
What about my sister? My mother? My father? All of them need God. They need the assurance that God can give in this world of toil and hardships. I am freely enjoying His love and grace now (even though toil and sufferings continue). But what about my family? Am I depriving them of this wonderful gift? But they are not stretching their arms out to receive it either. Can I force their arms open?
Haven I been a good testimony for God? Haven I changed for the better? Haven they see the change in me?
What must I do, God? Haven I been trying hard enough? Haven I been seeking after God's heart? Haven I tried to preach? Haven I tried to pastor Your sheeps? Haven I tried to be a living testimony for You? Yet, what more shall I do now?
I really love my family. though its indeed a big difference when I compare them to church brethrens. I had a wonderful friday service today, but when I reached home, Im like, realising how secular my family is. But still, they are my family and I pray for their souls.
How about my friends? Those who do not believe, as well as those who do believe? What must I still do? Im trying to be like Apostle Paul. but its so tough! and tiring... esp if you feel like you are walking alone on this journey.
As I pray for my family, I tried to convince myself that God will save them.. but I just ended up crying even more. Probably many had been through my current stage before. I am definitely not alone. But still, it is a tough stage.
Im really worried for my brother. want to be there for him more. want to let him know that the family cares for him. I also want to be there for my sister, wish to share her burden and have her telling me more of her troubles. For my pa as well. Although not very close to him, but dun wish to see him overworked. Dun wish to see my mom sick as well...
Need to pray for more strength from God. This is the race I have chosen to run. I have only one goal. But I pray that I can convince the people around me, especially my family, to sign up for this race as well. The closing date is nearing...
Perhaps it has also been a while since I last cried. Indeed, it is a relief from all the fatigue that has been bugging me as well.
Rest well on sabbath, meixing.
I asked for God's mercy once again. His mercy on my family. I heard testimonies before about how God seek you to save your whole family as well. I believe in that and I look forward to that day. But what can happen when I dun even have the courage to share with them my faith and testify in front of them? I dun talk to them regarding God. I am weak. I justify my (non)action by thinking that Im waiting for the right time that God will prepare. But most likely it is I who is not making the effort. I can only cry in the silence of the night when all had fallen asleep, thinking about their souls and about the last days.
I am very scared. Very scared that I'll be the one to close this path for my own family. What will God do to me then? I surely wont deserve His grace.
I am very scared that I will cause my brother's downfall. He's sixteen, the most impressionable period of one's life. I wish he come to know God, come to experience His love and grace. But with each day i delay, Im afraid he might be sinking deeper and deeper into the evil, secular world. I am very scared, I keep telling God. Somemore, youths his age in church are already starting to build up their faith and serving God. Am I depriving him of this chance?
What about my sister? My mother? My father? All of them need God. They need the assurance that God can give in this world of toil and hardships. I am freely enjoying His love and grace now (even though toil and sufferings continue). But what about my family? Am I depriving them of this wonderful gift? But they are not stretching their arms out to receive it either. Can I force their arms open?
Haven I been a good testimony for God? Haven I changed for the better? Haven they see the change in me?
What must I do, God? Haven I been trying hard enough? Haven I been seeking after God's heart? Haven I tried to preach? Haven I tried to pastor Your sheeps? Haven I tried to be a living testimony for You? Yet, what more shall I do now?
I really love my family. though its indeed a big difference when I compare them to church brethrens. I had a wonderful friday service today, but when I reached home, Im like, realising how secular my family is. But still, they are my family and I pray for their souls.
How about my friends? Those who do not believe, as well as those who do believe? What must I still do? Im trying to be like Apostle Paul. but its so tough! and tiring... esp if you feel like you are walking alone on this journey.
As I pray for my family, I tried to convince myself that God will save them.. but I just ended up crying even more. Probably many had been through my current stage before. I am definitely not alone. But still, it is a tough stage.
Im really worried for my brother. want to be there for him more. want to let him know that the family cares for him. I also want to be there for my sister, wish to share her burden and have her telling me more of her troubles. For my pa as well. Although not very close to him, but dun wish to see him overworked. Dun wish to see my mom sick as well...
Need to pray for more strength from God. This is the race I have chosen to run. I have only one goal. But I pray that I can convince the people around me, especially my family, to sign up for this race as well. The closing date is nearing...
Perhaps it has also been a while since I last cried. Indeed, it is a relief from all the fatigue that has been bugging me as well.
Rest well on sabbath, meixing.
