Mixed Emotions.
A bit of a mixed-emotions day today. Lately many many things are on my mind. Perhaps that is why I am quite easily frustrated or even pissed off.... Please do not hesitate to rebuke me if you find that I am behaving in this manner. Remind me that I am not handling things the right way. I will listen if you were to rebuke me with love.
During the last prayer after choir, I cried out to the Lord... He comforted me... and I asked for His forgiveness. The thing was that, I was feeling extremely frustrated over the new songs we are learning... Actually I have a secret desire to sing first sop. But I was asked to sing second sop... the worse thing is after i've come to accept this role, I just can't seem to sing the parts well! I just dun get it! I started to blame it on me having no musical background...etc etc. Come to think of it now, I totally forgotten about the content of today's sermon on "treating yourself well"! And I even got frustrated with yh. It was so mean of me.. But I really wanted to sing my part well, I really wanted to present this time round.....
I was even angry at those who were so familiar with the songs! haaaiiii. I think I let evil enter my heart already and wasn't thinking straight anymore. I even refused to sing towards the end of choir. What was wrong with me?
And so as I knelt down before God, I cried out to Him. I asked Him to cleanse my heart. And fill me so that I may be a better person. I kept calling for Him to forgive me and to help me. And I really felt that I was so wrong. In my attitude, my thinkings, my actions. I felt worthless and filthy before the Lord.
But thank the Lord, because I know He forgives. He knows my anxieties. He knows my aspirations. But I must remember humility before Him and rely on Him.
The dinner after choir with church brethrens conclude the day with a happy note though. There were 16 of us! celebrating 4 of our birthdays! We went Swensen's @ airport. And there was even a cake! icecream cake! Hmm.. its the first time I am celebrating my birthday with church brethrens i think.. really very glad. and the first time I have an icecream cake for my birthday cake (tho it was shared :P but giving out slices by slices to them made me feel as tho the cake's mine!) . I am rather happy. haha. If only I have got a camera!! We made do with a 2mp camera phone and a self-initiate photographer. (: Thanks all for the treat!! Thank God for an enjoyable dinner and good fellowship.
ohhh haii. I lost a earstud last week and I just lost the back of my new earstud just now! totally cursed or what? hee. oh well. perhaps God has prepared beforehand. I can use the back of my lost earstud for this new earstud which I have just lost the back. hmm.. did I confuse you?
Anyway, still some other things on my mind that are causing the mixed emotions in me. A lot of things at hand to handle!!! Please God, teach me according to Your ways and help me manage all these.
During the last prayer after choir, I cried out to the Lord... He comforted me... and I asked for His forgiveness. The thing was that, I was feeling extremely frustrated over the new songs we are learning... Actually I have a secret desire to sing first sop. But I was asked to sing second sop... the worse thing is after i've come to accept this role, I just can't seem to sing the parts well! I just dun get it! I started to blame it on me having no musical background...etc etc. Come to think of it now, I totally forgotten about the content of today's sermon on "treating yourself well"! And I even got frustrated with yh. It was so mean of me.. But I really wanted to sing my part well, I really wanted to present this time round.....
I was even angry at those who were so familiar with the songs! haaaiiii. I think I let evil enter my heart already and wasn't thinking straight anymore. I even refused to sing towards the end of choir. What was wrong with me?
And so as I knelt down before God, I cried out to Him. I asked Him to cleanse my heart. And fill me so that I may be a better person. I kept calling for Him to forgive me and to help me. And I really felt that I was so wrong. In my attitude, my thinkings, my actions. I felt worthless and filthy before the Lord.
But thank the Lord, because I know He forgives. He knows my anxieties. He knows my aspirations. But I must remember humility before Him and rely on Him.
The dinner after choir with church brethrens conclude the day with a happy note though. There were 16 of us! celebrating 4 of our birthdays! We went Swensen's @ airport. And there was even a cake! icecream cake! Hmm.. its the first time I am celebrating my birthday with church brethrens i think.. really very glad. and the first time I have an icecream cake for my birthday cake (tho it was shared :P but giving out slices by slices to them made me feel as tho the cake's mine!) . I am rather happy. haha. If only I have got a camera!! We made do with a 2mp camera phone and a self-initiate photographer. (: Thanks all for the treat!! Thank God for an enjoyable dinner and good fellowship.
ohhh haii. I lost a earstud last week and I just lost the back of my new earstud just now! totally cursed or what? hee. oh well. perhaps God has prepared beforehand. I can use the back of my lost earstud for this new earstud which I have just lost the back. hmm.. did I confuse you?
Anyway, still some other things on my mind that are causing the mixed emotions in me. A lot of things at hand to handle!!! Please God, teach me according to Your ways and help me manage all these.
