the time of singing has come!

Four down, one more to go. I managed to complete my relay race that spread over monday, tuesday and wednesday with God's help, although I fell sick. Think the amount of stress is affecting me physiologically.. I feel that the acid in my stomach is being overly-reactive... so i tend to get the feeling that I'm really really hungry often. And sometimes I feel like vomiting when the acid threatens to spew out of me.. But don't worry.. I am better now.. and I am sure I will get better now that I've only left with an individual race on Monday. (:

Just wanna note down God's grace for me throughout this exam period. You may think that I think too much and stuffs.. but i really feel that if God is not with me, I can't have survived.. I know I am not exactly the good student that I should be, but I am trying my best already I feel, without having to compromise God.

My dad said to me that day after I came back from church, "Now its your exam period, don't go church so often la... know how to arrange your time." I think he meant to ask me to know my priorities. I didn't agree with that statement, so I kept quiet. In fact, I think I ignored him. Hee.. thinking back, it was quite rude of me. ;P But at that point in time, I felt sad within me even though I didn't show it out. Yes, I didn't have enough time to finish studying for my exams but I can't compromise God because of that! Its at times like these that I need Him even more. But of course, my family won't understand....

And you know how great God is? How kind He is towards me? As usual, I can't finish studying for my papers. In fact, for my two psychology modules, I only studied like the most half of what I should study... but for all my papers thus far, all four of them, questions set are such that I could answer them because they are topics which I did study! Even for one or two questions which I didn't study, I manage to take a brief look at the lecture notes just before the papers and so could throw out one or two points! Ya.. I don't think its luck, because Christians should not believe in luck anyway. It's the blessings He gave me.

God give blessings to different people in different ways, in different aspects of our lives. Some have a good material life, because God bless them with good jobs, high status. Some are poor but have a very happy family, all in the Lord. Some are PhD holders. Some are ITE-graduates. But all enjoy the blessings that God gives in different ways. I am sure you are able to point out the blessings in your life that God has given you.

For me, I came to realised that I am not really intellectually-inclined actually, albeit getting good grades for PSLE, Os, and As and climbing up the academic ladder smoothly into university now.. I think it's God's grace. In fact, if I didn't redecide to go to Anglican High after I got my results, I probably won't come to know God.. and eventually enter His Church. And if I didn't go into Temasek JC, I won't have got to know yb whom is currently attending church regularly with me. To me now, it is not so much of achieving good grades and getting a high-paying job in future anymore... I just hope to do God's work while I am still in this world. I know that this is my purpose, and this should be my life. So I get very upset especially during times when I get so buried by my school work that I have no time for Him.

Going back to the blessings that He has given me... well, at least i have a basic good education. He has given me people whom I love and trust in church, whom I am sure love and trust me as well, right? I have a house to live in and food to eat. I have the luxury of choosing what to wear to church. I may not have explicit gifts.. but I can pray for them. I can work for them. I am still thinking of learning piano. Still wondering if I should take vocal classes. And wondering if I should go for the English Writers' Retreat in June....

Sometimes I wish I could just spend my time working for God.. serving His Church. Then I wouldn't be stressed-up with life's demands. But I know it is not practical.. I still need to make a living. My poor parents need a break and I have got to give them better lives in the future. I really hope they will come to church. But I have no idea how to get them to come. I can't express in words to them how great I think God is, and how good it is to believe in Him. That despite all the suffering and pain we have to endure in this world, we have this hope within our grasp.

But we must be careful not to let these worries take over us. We can be sad.. we can worry, we can cry, but at the end of the day, we must regain our hope in Christ. We must believe, we must have faith in Him. Him who has never failed us before. I have hope that my family will come to Christ. All of them. It may take years but I have faith that God will preserve them until then. Whatever might have happened, we just have to have faith in God, that ultimately all will be good. On that day, when we will be singing in heaven.

Gosh, I miss choir! Totally skipped one session because I needed to study. Boo.


"Those who sow in tears
Shall reap in joy.
He who continually goes forth weeping,
Bearing seed for sowing,
Shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,
Bringing his sheaves with him."
-- Psalm 126:5-6

Had AVA duty today and so went to church today... even though I barely started studying... there's still tons to read! But I felt that I ought to fulfil my duty, and I really needed to pray too. It's the first time I typed in verses references tonight.. I knew something would go wrong. Sz taught me the basics and asked me not to be stressed. haha.. I eventually got the hang of it and thought that it was rather fun in fact. Just as I was thinking how smooth everything was actually going, that I had everything under control.... my big foot brushed against the CPU and the computer restart. Horror of horrors! We quickly off the projector in the church hall and quickly tried to get the program back on. But the next horror came when the chinese program toolbar could not be shifted! aaahhhhh. haha got help from people....... and finally smart old hl solved the problem, somehow. lol. The whole experience was frightening but also kind of exciting and fun. haha. But the most amazing thing was that throughout this period of salvaging the situation, preacher did not refer to another new verse! He spent the time sharing a testimony i think... thank God! :P

O Lord, the way ahead seems so hard to walk,
The way is narrow, and I fear to tread.

But I thank You Lord that You have already
Walked the hardest path of all for me; The path to Calvary

So now, when I feel weary and disheartened,
I think of the cross You bore, and I am strengthened.

When I feel alone and rejected,
I think of those who left Your side, and I know You've been there before me.

When I want to stray, I remember the stripes You bore,
Your nail-pierced hands, and I feel my shame.

When I no longer give my best to You,
I think of the blood You shed for me, and I am compelled to carry on.

O Lord, when the way ahead seems so hard to walk,
Let me always look towards the cross

argh. my japanese oral was BAD.

It just ended less than an hour ago. Thinking about it now, I realised I did not use ANY Japanese 2 sentence structures. Oh gosh. How bad can it get? I think I will get a FAT ZERO for my oral. BOO. What happened to my と、とき？　What happened to my plain form!!　）：　Im so dead.　Think I was nervous and my brain juice could not flow.... )：　This is GREAT.

心配しますね。。。