the time of singing has come!

I noticed myself going back in time more frequently this past week.
Reliving the past in my memory.
Refeeling the sweetness, but also
Reexperiencing the bitterness.

I found myself lost more often this past week.
Lost in thoughts that I should not be thinking anymore.
Lost in the work that I must be responsible for.
Lost in this world of complexities.

I miss many people. And I wish I have more time for them. Perhaps it is really true when they say that its only after you have lost something, that you learn to appreciate and cherish the things and people around you more. I just want to make sure that I treat everyone around me to the best of my ability - giving love and care to the best that I can give.

I miss you, someone I used to love the most. But perhaps I didn't love correctly.

I miss you, someone who will listen to all my thoughts and feelings conveyed verbally. Someone who always seems so busy. Someone whom I wonder if you actually like me as much as I do. But I learnt not to expect. To be a friend, not asking for friends. I only pray that you are well.

I miss you, someone whom I can share a good hearty laugh. Someone who I thank God for in church. Yet sometimes, it is hard..... I don't know. But I just want you to know that you are someone special to me.

I miss you, someone who takes delight in God's creation as much as I do. Someone who don't mind spending time quietly with me to appreciate the wind, the rain, the sun, the stars, and the clouds. Someone so dear to me!

I miss you, someone who is almost just like me. But not quite. Someone who can laugh, cry, play, pray,.... with me! You are also the dearest friend on earth to me (despite differences in language, culture,.....sometimes :P)

I thought of you too. You who are already gone. But come to think about it, it's only been slightly more than a year. I remembered the frequent visits to the hospital, and how I held your hand. I remembered I was on the train when I got the news, and how strange I felt. And then, you are really gone.

I thought of the people who come and go in my life, and I kind of miss everyone. I miss the interactions we had, no matter how brief it may have been.

I thought about love too. I thought about how love isn't a feeling, just like faith isn't a feeling. If you based ur love or your faith on feelings, once the feeling is gone, everything will be gone too. So love isn't a feeling. It isn't that I have stopped loving you, but that I have learnt to stop loving you (or at least, am still learning to).

I thought about the tears I have shed. Some silly, some still heart-wrenching, some with hope. Some which I looked back now and know that it was a path worth walking through. Despite the pain and the tears, it had made me who I am today.

I thought about God and how much I want to draw closer to Him. I want to know Him. I want to be like Him. I thought about how He is the only One who truly knows me and loves me. And I really feel comforted by this.

I think too much. It's time to go.