the time of singing has come!

我很不开心。

what could previously fill me with joy no longer have the 'magic' anymore.

i don't find them adorable anymore.
in fact, i detest their behaviour.
their rowdy, loud behaviours.

i just wanted to get today's lessons over and done with.
i didn't want to have anything more to do with them.
i don't want to hear about what happen to them after school, or who push who, or who scolded who bad words.
i don't care anymore whether they can get along or not.
i just wanted to get away from them.

and it isn't making it any better that i can't find any one here to confide in.
someone whom i can trust.

i want to say out loud,
"I had enough.
I'm outta here."
but i can't.

if i fail being a teacher,
what else did i succeed in?

nothing much

and there is a class observation tmr.
im so confident she will be able to tell how enthusiastic i am about teaching.

i have lost that initial enthusiasm.
lost that initial love.
i go to class every morning with a forced smile
greet them good morning, when i think otherwise
start the day with a sigh

im losing my voice
losing myself

what am i doing?
can i do this?

---

I need to find back that first love.
how to love those who are detestable?
how to sincerely and genuinely love those who are not lovely?

i want to scream, "I hate them!"
just like how they will do towards each other.
but can i?

i need to find back my smile.
那打从心里的笑


maybe.... my kids miss it too.

Labels: rant