the time of singing has come!

i feel so much like screaming i hate God. i just dun understand His plans for me. im struggling everyday with school work. this is not what i want. i know that i am not smart. i know that i've got through each exams by His grace. He gave me the good grades. He made every step up the academic ladder possible and even perhaps i would say, easy for me.
But i know i am stupid. i cant manage my time well. i am rigid and stubborn. i have my abnormal test tmr but i only read one chapter out of four. im still struggling with my religion term paper outline. the first time im attempting to write a term paper. but still, its taking too much of my time! its just a outline, my goodness. but i want to do it well so that perhaps when i actually get down to writing it, it'll be easier. i feel so so helpless and scared right now. nothing will help me now. i cant cry. i cant scream. i cant sleep. i need time. i dun think i can sleep tonight alr. i want to do well for my abnormal one. the first test i did not bad (by God's grace, again) and i dun feel like wasting it. hai. but what to do now?

Why am i always so reliant on people? i just want attention, dun i? Am i so deprived of attention when i was young? i can never be independent... even though i may look like i am. well, im always walking around on campus alone... most of the time at least.

At times like this, i really want to return to God. i cant take all these stresses in life, you know. i have a simple mind.

i better go back to finish my stuffs. please pray for me that God may have mercy on me.