the time of singing has come!

ok.... I so totally must blog today!! Its the last day of the year 2006! and ok, its JOYCE's BIRTHDAY as well!! (: (:

Hmmm.. wanted to do a reflection of the year.. but time is limited. and I wish to go out and do something tonight! I hope my family will really go somewhere... because Im willing to forego night cycling with my beloved brethrens for them..

Anyway, this year passed relatively fast... it started with my year 1 second sem whereby I stayed at my school's hostel... then was a three month break whereby I worked at ACTS. really miss aunty lily and uncle tay. think i want to go back visit them before I start my coming sem! then my second year of uni actually started. and very quickly, it ended. and THEOLO'2006 started! and very quickly it ended as well.

Theolo was great. It was different from my year one. but still it was great. I studied more about the Old Testament. has got a slightly better understanding now. (: I love the book of Esther particularly. Coincidentally (?), Esther means "star from the east" and since my name is also "star", I really hope to have a faith like Esther. A "If I perish, I perish." faith towards God and His people.

Friends wise, joyce and debby weren't here. but still, it was really nice being in the same class as the year 3s. got to know more people in church. (: preachers wise, this year I got to know the preachers who came better. And Im really thankful for their patient teaching, their care and concern, and their sacrifice. Truly thank God that He arrange such a beautiful gathering - His people gathering to study the word of God and worship Him.

And what is even more memorable for me is that this theolo is also where I began my service to the Lord. I presented in the choir for the year-end evangelistic services. I was praying so hard that God will work with us and that He may move the people who came personally. and Thank God! We knew that we weren't the best choir but i think we sang with our hearts. and God saw our longing to work for Him, to touch the people who came. Hallelujah!

And I also led a pre-service hymn session! I was kind of nervous! but i really wanted to do a good job... so I prepared and I prayed... and thank God, it wasn't scary afterall! the only thing is that, during the time I led, I was kind of disappointed cos I didnt feel the atmosphere of His people joyfuly raising our voices to worship Him. It was kind of like a routine singing session. It was kind of saddening. I wonder how I can help to lift up the spirit of His people to sing praises to Him! But in any case, I really thank God for this 2 opportunities and like how we end our session with "all glory to God", I truly give all glory to His name and pray that I leave nothing to myself... for pride is one of my biggest enemy and I fear falling away because of it.

And so, I guess thats about the summary for theolo'2006. I thank God because the problems I had initially were more or less solved. I saw God's guiding hand indeed. I thank God that wz went through the entire theolo, and I really pray that she learnt much from it and that God will guide and lead her personally. As for yb, it was really great to hear that she went to church herself the week before when I was still in theolo. I pray that she will continue her search for the truth and understand also that this is something between her and God and that what the people around her can do is only to guide her to the house of God. The rest is up to her.

Okies, thank God for a good 2006. The year I got baptised. This year I was reborn and immediately fed the word of God. Now that I am fed and a new year is coming, it is time for me to be determined to start my new life of service to the Lord.

May the peace of God be with all of us as we start a new year!

Theolo's great. But I don't feel that I am giving my all yet. Something seems to be wrong? I think I should seriously start having my own prayers, besides those allocated. Many burdens weighing on me at the moment too. I feel like screaming "GOD! I am WEAK too!!"

Some key words:
Choir
Evangelistic services
wz
yb
my own spiritual nurture

Lots to pray about... may God manifest His power and grace through my weakness.

"Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:10

"If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, .." 1 Peter 4:11

In a few hours' time, I shall be attending theolo'06! Excited but at the same time, a little anxious. I wondered how I felt one year ago? I think last year, I was just simply very happy to be able to attend that I didn't think much about other stuffs. I was looking forward to the feast of God's Word. Perhaps this year, after last year's good experience, after knowing many more people in church, after baptism, I can't help but feel a little different. I am no longer going to theolo simply to study God's Word alone. Not sure if this is good or bad, but I think I've got to remind myself that i am going to theolo for God; to learn more about His Word, to draw nearer to Him.

Spiritual Meeting was great. I felt recharged! Mainly because I found back my joy in the Lord... thank God! Really thank God for spiritual meetings.. guess God really knows our weakness. So twice every year, He gives us this chance to really set aside our time for Him, and thus be strengthened again. But still, it depends on us whether we want to set aside our time for Him. Indeed, He has really given us much grace, but do we reciprocate with faith? This is a really good question for us to reflect on.

My exams ended today. Seems pretty bad...? Haa, especially developmental psychology. I feel so ashamed actually that I had not put in enough effort. But many times when I had to make a decision, I had chose to seek God first. In a way, I had indeed neglected my studies more or less. But I did try my best during times when I study. Every good thing comes from God. I pray that He may help me get through this hurdle.

joyful joyful. thank God.

i started having rashes since thursday night. really itchy.. and these few days during spiritual meeting, i've been going to the front to pray about it. praying that God will heal me. Just like the man with leprosy went into the river of Jordan for seven times, i decided that i will too, keep going in front to pray with faith. Most amazingly was that one of the sermons actually talked about a testimony of a man who was also itching! wow... i really feel that God is talking to me. But I wonder why at this time, i had to come down with this itchy rashes.

Firstly, I thought that it could be the work of the devil. Since spiritual meeting is here and theolo is coming right up, Im sure he is trying his best not to let me draw closer to God. So i decided I shall not let him win! I hope tmr I can make it for morning prayer. I have been missing the morning sermons these two days ): and i am not even using the time to study!

Then i also thought that it could be a test from God. Since whatever is happening to me is exactly what this spiritual meeting theme is about! I wasn't very joyful in the Lord and now, im down with this rash. yar.. its a learning process from God. there's lectures (sermons) and tutorials (my own homework).

Actually i was just worried my rash will affect my studying and my heart to worship God. so I kept praying to God to heal me initially. I just wanted Him to heal me and nothing else! In a way, i thought i was showing my faith in God that He has the power to heal me. And that if He dun heal me, no one else can.

But through the sermons and testimonies I heard... i slowly realised that perhaps this should not be what I am focusing on. Even Paul realised that it was good for the thorn in his flesh to be there. God's grace is sufficient for me. I came to realise that there must be a reason why im down with rash now. There must be something that God wants me to learn and understand. So i decided to change the way i prayed. I asked God that if He is willing, may He heal me. But otherwise, let me have faith in my almighty God that things will work out in the end. Let me find strength in His spirit. Let me know how to rejoice in Him.

Amazingly, at the afternoon prayer for the Holy Spirit, I felt joyful. I felt peace at heart. and my lips kept curling up into a smile! I kept praising God. It's been a while since I have felt this way in my prayers. And the last prayer today, i still went to the front and thank God, I still felt joyful! I felt lighter and happier and I just wanted to keep praising God! Can't stop smiling. (:

Tmr, i wanna make it for morning prayer! and yb is coming as well. yay! the tracts for evangelistic are out. time to work! ohh. yesterday, I sort of tried to preach to the taxi-driver whose taxi i took to church. He was not turned off by the name "True Jesus Church" and so I thought it was a really good sign. But I dun understand why I did not bother to give him at least our church bookmark to keep! It was just there in my bag! I was.... lazy? can't be bothered? goodness. I really feel bad now. But I pray that God will open the way for him. At least I told him about www.tjc.org? At least he has some contact with TJC, knowing that this church exists? I didnt even remember to invite him for the upcoming evangelistic services! May God open the way.

Oh yar, another I learnt: Must know God's timing and not force our own timing into things.

okiess. i shouldn't go on already. I shall have faith that God knows whats best for me and He will not resist good things to those who love Him! Im sure my rashes will go away. Thank you, Lord for the peace and joy today! (: hallelujah!

Tonight was the start of Spiritual Meeting. One of the sub-theme is "The joy of the Lord is my strength". I came to realise that lately, this is one main area that I am weak in. I have forgotten how to rejoice in the Lord.

Someone cried in front of me today. I wasn't too sure about what I should do. I showed my concern and asked if she's ok. She said, "yar.." I hope my intuition was right because I assumed that she probably was not too comfortable to share with me then. So I didnt probe further. I do hope that she didn't think that I was not being caring enough! I wanted to give her some space. I hope she knows.

But I was really worried about her and brought this to the Lord in prayers. I often pray for other people. And today, I came to realise something. I realised that I tend to have "less faith" when I pray for others. I tend to think that God has not heard me and i keep repeating my prayer requests. I seemed not to receive assurance from God that He has heard my prayers for them.

Ok, actually the previous time this happened was when my mom came for my baptism and I was praying for her and her friends. I seemed not to have enough faith in God when im praying for non-believers and truthseekers?? And since there are many of such people whom I often pray for, I seemed not to receive peace after most prayers. This therefore has been causing me to forget how to rejoice in the Lord.

To rejoice in the Lord, the first thing is to trust in God's almightiness. Only after this complete trust is given unto Him, can we have faith in His will. And having this total faith in His will, even if trials and sufferings should befall us, we will be able to be joyful always. Because we know that God is with us. And His grace is sufficient for us.

With regards to my problem, I think I have failed at the first step. Perhaps because they are truthseekers and non-believers, I tend to be more anxious. I was afraid that I might miss out on any chance that they might want to draw closer to God, and so stumbled them instead. I guess I have forgotten that my God is an almighty God. If He is willing, who can stop Him? I have lost faith in Him on this! It is not the quantity of prayers that causes God to answer, but the heart that counts. A heart that have complete trust and faith in a almighty God that counts. If one is able to have this heart, that man is joyful indeed. And the joy of the Lord is my strength.

I pray that I may come to understand the teachings on "joy" and be able to apply them in life. I also pray that I may never be a stumbling block to anyone's faith, whether in speech or action. Whatever I do, it is my aim that people may be edified in one way or another. I aimed to be open in my thoughts and feelings through this blog, but i might have gone past the line sometimes by throwing my emotions about. My apologies to those affected. May God guide my words from now on.

Peace.