the time of singing has come!

I am a happy girl today.

1. Handed in personality report before noon.
2. Managed to finish up japanese photo essay and also practise　会話　before class.
3. Finished sports essay even though it was handed in late.

I found it amazing how these were one by one accomplished in just a day... I started on the report late on thursday night... didn't sleep at all.. went school early to continue the battle... and somehow victory was with me by the time Sabbath was here. I can enjoy a good sabbath peace this weekend.

I can't really describe or say anything here.. but I just want to really thank God.. because i know the source that kept me going.. If its not for God, I would have long ago broke down. But God gave me a hope.. seriously, who would have thought one could finish all that work in a day? But amazingly, with God, all things are possible! Also, at a time when nobody can help you, and you are essentially left alone to deal alone, God's presence really help a GREAT deal.

A million thanks can't thank You enough.

Now, I need some real sleep...

今、一番欲しい物は一緒に話すことができる人ですよ！

argghh.. i am feeling the effects of lack of human interaction once again. Humans are really social creatures man... I feel isolated from everyone right now.. i only have got so many readings and books to read and papers to write. sighh.. I found out that I am slowly losing my ability to communicate with people.. sometimes there is just nothing on my mind and nothing I can say... is that why I am losing friends? Is that why I can't make friends? Well, but I have also realised that some friends are not really friends afterall.. not worthy to be called my friends.. shrugs.. some friends call you friends when they need you. When they don't, they don't really care about you.. I guess that's how the world functions... but its kind of sad. Why can't people communicate anymore?

I realised that I am more of a listener. When someone have things to share, I let the person talk first... sometimes I don't even get to share my problems, my stories at the end of the day. On the other hand, when I found someone who somewhat is willing to listen to me, I start to talk and talk.... it felt good.. but I wonder if I talk too much at those times. Rare times when I can just throw everything out.

Sometimes this world can get so unbearable. And so cold. So distant. Everyone is so near, yet so far. Where is that shoulder which I can lean on and cry? Who is interested to know me as a unique being?

Only you, O Lord shall lift up my spirit
Only you can redeem me from my distress
You counted the hairs on my head (Matt 10:30)
You kept my tears in your bottle (Psalms 56:8)
What more should I ask for?
And so to you O God, I surrender my praise
To you O Father, I commit my all
May your pillars of cloud and fire be my everlasting guide.
Amen.

My first IY camp. And I am in IY Ahh-lumni already!

I got slightly burned but today I really enjoyed myself. Paddlepop IY Alumni flag. Singing as I like it on the coach. Lunching under the hot sun at the playground. Talking to brethrens and truthseekers whom I have not spoken to before. Games under the afternoon sun. Jumping in the air photo-taking. Wet kitchen and marinating chicken wings. Hymn singing and sharing!

I don't know how each one felt, especially the IYs. But I felt really at home. I felt accepted. I really like to be around my family-in-Christ. That joy... it makes me yearn and look forward to our heavenly home in the future. If it is this good now, how much better it shall be in our heavenly home!

Thanks, Lord Jesus.

de·ni·al
–noun
8. Psychology. an unconscious defense mechanism used to reduce anxiety by denying thoughts, feelings, or facts that are consciously intolerable.

I'm quite capable of denial. When something happened that is not according to what I would like it to be, I pretend it's not happening. And I wait for time to pass me by and the thing is over and everything is back to normal.

Many things are happening around me all at the same time. In fact, I'm having a headache right now. Yar... the real physiological kind of headache that I frequently get. Well, you can say that I am having the psychological kind of headache now too. So many things to pray for. Me and my own problems. My family and their individual problems. Friends and the problems they are facing. Church matters and brethrens who are ill.

I am beginning to think that 24hours a day isn't enough. Nor is 7 days a week enough.... Why does God give us so many problems and worries?

But I believe that God's hand is in all the things that we face everyday. Especially if we are His children. We ought to have a God-centered life and believe that God is with us all the time. In a way, all things that we do are associated with God and should be so! Spouses are important, friends are important, our work is important.. but if things don't go the way you would expect them to go, God is in the picture and there must be something God wants you to see, to learn, to apply.

Perhaps I should stop being in denial and start facing life the way it is. Accepting facts and reality and listening out to God's gentle call.