the time of singing has come!

Perpetually sad.
Deriving joy from others' smiles.

Constantly lonely.
Needing God's abidance.

Always questioning.
Seeking His comforting answers.

Crying is the best way I express myself. It is the universal language that all can understand, and which God understands the best.

I hate the ups and downs of my emotional cycle. I hate being so emotional. If this is because I am a woman, I hate being one. I hate weeping and wailing when I know I have the grace of salvation and the Holy Spirit's help. But these can't stop the tears from flowing down, despite knowing that God is with me. A sister told me it's ok to cry. Cry when you feel sad, laugh when you are happy. I guess being a Christian doesn't mean that you have to be devoid of all extreme emotions. I like this advice.

Then today, I was told by another to be resilient. Don't be upset by what she says if you can. It is no good to be upset. But I don't want to not feel. I don't want to be unaffected by what my loved ones say about my religion. I don't want to be hardened in my heart towards their opinions. I want to feel. I want to be upset when they don't agree with my faith. I want to cry for them. I don't want to be resilient. I want to drown in my tears. At least for tonight.

How long more, O Lord?
How many more, God?

I am afraid that I cannot last any much longer.

Is time really the factor? Will time really make all things right? I don't believe that time is the big factor here.

If You are willing, Lord, now can be the time.

For them to believe.
For me to serve.