lowest pit
I am at my lowest right now. I know it has only been barely hours since my last post. You must be puzzled by my sudden change in mood.
My mom rejected my invitation again. I hate harbouring high hopes that she will come today only to have them dashed again. I thought God might just work with me this time round. I am reminded of the days when I was still praying for the Holy Spirit. It's almost like that. Harbouring high hopes each time that God will grant me the HS only to end each prayer utterly disappointed.
Why? Why the extreme change in my moods? At least something good came out of this. I think I came to a realization that these moods and emotions I am experiencing are actually not entirely of the Spirit. I am referring to my extreme joy just two hours ago and the lowest peak I am feeling right now. I had thought the joy I had came from God, until my emotions suddenly just dropped to the lowest peak. It can't be the moving of the Holy Spirit. He is not extreme. I realised it had always been me. I am still allowing my own fleshly emotions and desires to overwhelm me. When all goes well, it is my fleshly pride that produced my fleshly joy. Because this joy is not sustained by God, it disappeared once setbacks came along.
I believed if the joy had come from God, or that I had indeed had the fullness of the Spirit's indwelling, this obstacle I face now would not have the capability to drop me to the lowest pit. Am I too harsh on myself? I really don't know. I just feel that my mom needs God, but she is hindering herself from touching Him. What should I do? I only hope for my family to understand my zeal for God and how amazing God is. I only wish for a family's united belief in the one true God, to worship Him together. I know we need Him. But when will God open their hearts? Have I not been doing enough? How do I share God with a bunch of uninterested people, who happens to be my closest kin?
God, I need more training. I'm sorry. :'(
My mom rejected my invitation again. I hate harbouring high hopes that she will come today only to have them dashed again. I thought God might just work with me this time round. I am reminded of the days when I was still praying for the Holy Spirit. It's almost like that. Harbouring high hopes each time that God will grant me the HS only to end each prayer utterly disappointed.
Why? Why the extreme change in my moods? At least something good came out of this. I think I came to a realization that these moods and emotions I am experiencing are actually not entirely of the Spirit. I am referring to my extreme joy just two hours ago and the lowest peak I am feeling right now. I had thought the joy I had came from God, until my emotions suddenly just dropped to the lowest peak. It can't be the moving of the Holy Spirit. He is not extreme. I realised it had always been me. I am still allowing my own fleshly emotions and desires to overwhelm me. When all goes well, it is my fleshly pride that produced my fleshly joy. Because this joy is not sustained by God, it disappeared once setbacks came along.
I believed if the joy had come from God, or that I had indeed had the fullness of the Spirit's indwelling, this obstacle I face now would not have the capability to drop me to the lowest pit. Am I too harsh on myself? I really don't know. I just feel that my mom needs God, but she is hindering herself from touching Him. What should I do? I only hope for my family to understand my zeal for God and how amazing God is. I only wish for a family's united belief in the one true God, to worship Him together. I know we need Him. But when will God open their hearts? Have I not been doing enough? How do I share God with a bunch of uninterested people, who happens to be my closest kin?
God, I need more training. I'm sorry. :'(
Dear sis, don't be too harsh on yourself. I understand how you feel when we're rejected time and time again. But you must trust that God will lead in His very special way.It was a miracle when my dad actually agreed to come for last year's hymn evangelistic and I was totally overjoyed. But like you, each time my bro agrees to come, something would happen and he would not be able to make it. We must continue to pray for them because it is God that adds to the increase while we, work with Him.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:58 PM
I thank God for brethren like you, whom I know can really understand what I am going through, because we are all being brought through the same path by God and with God. Thanks for your timely concern. (:
Posted by
just a passer-by in this world |
1:17 AM