the time of singing has come!

My spirit is growing faint within me.
My soul is crushed to the ground.
I feel a slap on my cheek.
Why can't you spare me a little more of your patience?
Me, who is already struggling to stand.

I feel like a failure in all things.
Nothing gets done right.
I watch as the ferocious tide pours itself upon me,
One after another.
They strike me down,
Though I've tried
To resist
To struggle
Yet I am but dust,
How can I take all these?

Sorrow and anguish blurred my vision
and wet my face
But I have nothing to say.
What can I say?
I don't even want to feel now.
I'd rather be ignorant of all these.
Maybe it's just a silly bad dream?
Maybe God is just testing you?
He wouldn't be so cruel to you, will He?

I am already trying so hard, Lord.
What else do You want me to do?

The Bible says God is merciful. So, He will save, right?
How can He watch as my grandpa suffers?
How can He bear to watch the tears rolling down his face as he cries in pain?
I don't even dare to go visit him, for fear that the tears might flow.

I hate it when the tears flow.
I hate to feel my heart ache, as though something just drilled a hole through it.
I hate sleepless nights because many different thoughts will simply flood my mind
and I will start crying again.
Hate it! Hate it!
I hate being weak.
I hate being exhausted until I am left with nothing.
When not even my spirit is left within me.
Such that I become a walking zombie.