that which lingers
I had a wonderful time at Batu Pahat yesterday (Saturday). Precious memories still linger in my mind. The practices we had and the anxiety we felt together. The actual presentation and the grace of God with us. The laughters and the photos. The ramly burgers and the 大杯水promise. We had only a rather short time to prepare and truly, we saw the hand of God working with us. I personally felt the grace of God too. I really really enjoyed the last two hymns. The kind of joy I felt was undescribable. It just made me smile from the heart. I felt like I was really just praising God, and God heard it. I am really thankful to be able to be a part of this.
Today, I cried again. It seems like the matter has never left my heart. It is still within me. I believe the joy I felt at Batu Pahat was true joy though, it wasn't a fake front just to cover up my sadness. I really felt happy. But at the same time, sadness still linger in me. It will probably still take a while. Or maybe it won't ever leave me. But at least, I have learnt to entrust to God. In order to do that, I need only pray, and God can make my heart feel better.
At least, those tears I shed today weren't tears of despair and extreme sorrow like those before. My heart didn't feel that painful and pierced anymore. I know that they were tears of healing. God can heal me.
Today, I cried again. It seems like the matter has never left my heart. It is still within me. I believe the joy I felt at Batu Pahat was true joy though, it wasn't a fake front just to cover up my sadness. I really felt happy. But at the same time, sadness still linger in me. It will probably still take a while. Or maybe it won't ever leave me. But at least, I have learnt to entrust to God. In order to do that, I need only pray, and God can make my heart feel better.
At least, those tears I shed today weren't tears of despair and extreme sorrow like those before. My heart didn't feel that painful and pierced anymore. I know that they were tears of healing. God can heal me.
