Thank you
My heart was aching so badly during prayers. I think I have almost reached the pinnacle of pain. If my heart pain any bit more, I think it will literally tear.
Today was also the first time I cried uncontrollably in front of people. I had always been able to keep a strong front when I confide in people. Strangely, though, today when you two came by my sides and held my arms, tears simply gushes out and I had simply allowed them to flow. Really, that was a rare occasion. I usually don't burst out crying in front of people. In any case, I was thankful for your quiet company, so that I was permitted to squeeze out my hurt, drop after drop.
And thank you for your tears that you shed with me. Tears that tell me you can feel the same pain that I am feeling. And for that, I am thankful enough already. I know you have always treated me as family, and I will also always regard you as my dearest sister.
And definitely thank you who stood by me, night and day. Who chatter nonstop in order to drill it into me. Whom I listened intently to today, and realise I have lots to learn from you. If I can pull through, I owe a large part to you.
Thank you(s) of course for the tea and the cabfare and the late nights. You allowed me to see things better in new perspectives and dissect the issue at hand for me. You were never judging, never demanding. You were the ones who prayed together with me over this and allowed me to see some worth in me.
And of course, you who wrote me the touching message on a little card and made me cry on the bus home. And you who ever so willingly accompanied me to where I needed to go. And you who help me survive my campus days (I only wish I can be there for you more). And you, whom I know still cares so much, not only giving advice but also providing the emotional medicine - chocolate.
And also thank you who in one way or another had helped me or offered me kind words.
Thank you, God, for the beautiful weather this morning as I sat along the road to admire the flowers and butterflies. If the weather was bad, I wouldn't be able to get away from the crowd and the noise. I wasn't exactly hiding, but somehow God shielded me such that nobody found me and I was able to be left alone to converse with my God. I plucked a flower to remember this moment.
You know, each time I hold the Holy Communion bread in my hand, I can't help but tremble. This is the body of Jesus I hold in my hand. Why? Just why did he die for me? Why? Why can't I live for Him? I told God then that I really really want to live for Him. I really want to put aside all the rest. I don't want them to enchain me and slow me down in my journey of faith. I must do it. I can do it.
Of course, it still hurts so, so much. But it's ok. As long as I did all that I could, I can remain blameless, whether towards men or towards God. As long as I once gave my all to love, and to love sincerely and genuinely, and I didn't do anything wrong, it is good enough. Remember meixing, you can answer to God, and you did nothing wrong to anyone, then that is really good enough. Whatever it may be, forget about the past, and look forward to Christ.
Today was also the first time I cried uncontrollably in front of people. I had always been able to keep a strong front when I confide in people. Strangely, though, today when you two came by my sides and held my arms, tears simply gushes out and I had simply allowed them to flow. Really, that was a rare occasion. I usually don't burst out crying in front of people. In any case, I was thankful for your quiet company, so that I was permitted to squeeze out my hurt, drop after drop.
And thank you for your tears that you shed with me. Tears that tell me you can feel the same pain that I am feeling. And for that, I am thankful enough already. I know you have always treated me as family, and I will also always regard you as my dearest sister.
And definitely thank you who stood by me, night and day. Who chatter nonstop in order to drill it into me. Whom I listened intently to today, and realise I have lots to learn from you. If I can pull through, I owe a large part to you.
Thank you(s) of course for the tea and the cabfare and the late nights. You allowed me to see things better in new perspectives and dissect the issue at hand for me. You were never judging, never demanding. You were the ones who prayed together with me over this and allowed me to see some worth in me.
And of course, you who wrote me the touching message on a little card and made me cry on the bus home. And you who ever so willingly accompanied me to where I needed to go. And you who help me survive my campus days (I only wish I can be there for you more). And you, whom I know still cares so much, not only giving advice but also providing the emotional medicine - chocolate.
And also thank you who in one way or another had helped me or offered me kind words.
Thank you, God, for the beautiful weather this morning as I sat along the road to admire the flowers and butterflies. If the weather was bad, I wouldn't be able to get away from the crowd and the noise. I wasn't exactly hiding, but somehow God shielded me such that nobody found me and I was able to be left alone to converse with my God. I plucked a flower to remember this moment.
You know, each time I hold the Holy Communion bread in my hand, I can't help but tremble. This is the body of Jesus I hold in my hand. Why? Just why did he die for me? Why? Why can't I live for Him? I told God then that I really really want to live for Him. I really want to put aside all the rest. I don't want them to enchain me and slow me down in my journey of faith. I must do it. I can do it.
Of course, it still hurts so, so much. But it's ok. As long as I did all that I could, I can remain blameless, whether towards men or towards God. As long as I once gave my all to love, and to love sincerely and genuinely, and I didn't do anything wrong, it is good enough. Remember meixing, you can answer to God, and you did nothing wrong to anyone, then that is really good enough. Whatever it may be, forget about the past, and look forward to Christ.
