the time of singing has come!

I used to think that I live in a fairy tale. That you know, I was some pretty princess and my prince was just out there waiting for me. That my life has a predictable story line - I know how my life would go on from henceforth. Yes, I would meet with some difficulties but it's ok, because very soon my prince would come and I would be living happily ever after.

I remember at times I do feel that my life was sort of boring because it was like so predictable and everything was already set. Everything would just go according to plan and after 60 years or so, there, I'm done with my life.

However, the past two months have really shook me back into reality. I suddenly realised that I am living in the real world, and in this real world, nothing is for certain. Things change. People change. In this reality, life is really about handling such uncertainties and making your way through them. And in a way, it is exciting to have a fresh look at the world. 原来世界是这样的！

I still believe in fairy tales, and I still hope I would be in one. But I know God shook me back into reality for a good cause. He wants me to understand the world as it is and to be able to adapt to reality. He doesn't want me to be a pampered princess in a fairy tale, simply waiting for her prince to fetch her. He wants me to have the experience and the knowledge, so that I may grow in my faith after truly seeing God with my own eyes. The experience may be a hard one, but at least now I can understand and feel what Jesus felt when Judas betrayed Him, yet still loving him, He washed his feet. That love.. it just bring tears to my eyes and choke me in my speech. That pain in Jesus' heart, I can almost understand..

Over this 2 months, I know that I've gained so much more than what I've lost. The experience had been... in a way amazing. At least now I have had the experience of true heartbreak, the experience of being in a depressive episode, the experience of despair and hopelessness, but also the experience of God's constant abidance, God's reassurance and love, God's healing in my heart.... and the experience of being lifted up again by the Lord and being taught personally by Him to see things in His perspective. I've learnt it the hard way, a very painful way... but it's worth it.. Because finally, I know what it means to fully and truly rely on the Lord, what it means to live a life for God, what it means by having faith in God. I finally understand what it means by "I only need God; nothing else really matters."

I still miss being a princess in a fairy tale... but if reality is really what it is, then give me some time. I will get in touch with reality, in a while.

Labels: encountering God