the time of singing has come!

I had a bad dream that left my heart and soul feeling even heavier than when I had gone up to bed. I was feeling rather drained; thought that a nap would do me good. Perhaps it was purely physical fatigue? I would recover my strength and my spirit after a good rest.

The dream was incomplete, I wondered what would happen after that... but I think it's good that I don't know the outcome. In any case, the dream had served its purpose. I know that I have been giving myself too much pressure. I know that my hand still refuses to let go completely. I am constantly on the look-out... and it's driving me crazy. Why am I subjecting myself to such torture? 辛苦的只有自己。

I know that it is a burden that I need not bear. God probably never intended for me to bear such a burden. (I'm sure in God's eyes, it is such a silly burden! But to man, emotions are just such a big part of being human.) I can be free, in Christ. I want to be free. For a while, I had thought that I wanted to bear this in my heart for the rest of my life on earth, that perhaps it is a lesson for me to learn what it is like to love unconditionally. But, is it too hard on myself? Should I not treat myself better?

I really don't know, my Lord... I really, really want to be free. Free from all these sticky mess that cling on to me, my heart, my soul. It is taking away my energy, my spirit, my breath... It is drying up my bones. Will you please come soon?