warzone
A reply to passerby:
yeaa I am really trying very very hard to move on; to the extent that I am pushing against myself constantly and I feel at times like I am being torn apart literally.
These days I have been feeling like I'm warring with myself everyday. I'm making myself do more than what I can. Be it in my studies, or in my emotions. I feel that I am struggling constantly. I really had thoughts of giving up. I really feel like quitting school now and doing something less stressful. I want to be at peace.
But I know that I cannot give up, practically and rationally. I must press on, at least until this semester is over. And I am really grateful for the support and understanding I get from my friends in school.
I have been very, very tired. And that day I suddenly had this thought, "Why can't I just be myself? Why am I constantly struggling against myself?" Then I heard the answer, "Because your self is evil and sinful."
For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
(Romans 7:15-23)
So, I know, this struggle is good. But still, I ought to take things slightly easier. I will press on and do my best, but not to the point that I will crack and lose my sanity. So, thank you, lpp, for giving me time. And yes, passerby, I will pray for a quiet spirit in me.
yeaa I am really trying very very hard to move on; to the extent that I am pushing against myself constantly and I feel at times like I am being torn apart literally.
These days I have been feeling like I'm warring with myself everyday. I'm making myself do more than what I can. Be it in my studies, or in my emotions. I feel that I am struggling constantly. I really had thoughts of giving up. I really feel like quitting school now and doing something less stressful. I want to be at peace.
But I know that I cannot give up, practically and rationally. I must press on, at least until this semester is over. And I am really grateful for the support and understanding I get from my friends in school.
I have been very, very tired. And that day I suddenly had this thought, "Why can't I just be myself? Why am I constantly struggling against myself?" Then I heard the answer, "Because your self is evil and sinful."
For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.
Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
(Romans 7:15-23)
So, I know, this struggle is good. But still, I ought to take things slightly easier. I will press on and do my best, but not to the point that I will crack and lose my sanity. So, thank you, lpp, for giving me time. And yes, passerby, I will pray for a quiet spirit in me.
