the time of singing has come!

Though I know that Christians ought to live a disciplined life, sometimes I wonder such hectic and busy lifestyle is one for me? I wonder if I am edified from it myself...

I think today was the first time I acknowledged to (one of them) my colleague that my church doesn't celebrate Christmas! :)

Jiayouuuuu

Feeling tired.
Almost midnight, time to sleep.

But somehow, feeling a tiny knot in my heart.
Why is it that others seemingly are enjoying bliss without trying so hard?
Why am I trying so hard?
Should I try so hard?
Is this right or wrong?

Hmmm..

I don't know if I have what it takes to be a theolo counselor anymore...

When I was describing my drawing of a "Christian lady", i realise that all eyes were on me.. All quiet. And for a moment, I felt a bit conscious of myself and what I am saying. They were all giving me their fullest attention.

Upon reflecting now, I realised that they all were looking up to me, to us, counsellors in Christ, who are supposed to be their role models and their shepherds. Their eyes were watching, their ears listening. They want to know what is my standard.

What is my standard? Has it been lowered as I became more and more lost in this world?

I have much to reflect upon and wonder.. how much have I changed since the last time I attended theolo?

If the blind leads the blind, both will fall into the pit.

Labels: contemplation

还以为自己是坚强的，可以没有他。
以为自己的灵性比较坚强，需要带着他。
以为就算没有他，只要我有神就好。

但原来自己是骄傲的。
原来已经在很多方面是需要他的存在、帮助。
原来神是藉着他教导我 一人独居不好。

两个人的相处让我看见自己的缺点、不好，而去做得更好。

I am beginning to see that it is not fair to tell him, "I only need God and that is enough."
Because the truth is, I need him on this journey of faith.
I need him to see my own weaknesses and pride. I need him to reflect on my own principles, values, even judgmental thinkings sometimes.
I think God is using him and using our relationship to teach me, and to refine me.
He is also teaching me to trust in Him..

我需要神，
但在这世上、在行走这天国路上，我也需要他。

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

做了那场梦之后，似乎我的心结已经打开。

I have been in a bad dream for far too long.

Perhaps God has answered my prayers and granted me a dream to end it off.

While dreams are unreal, some times dreams seemed so real, isn't it?

This dream had seemed so real that I thank God for it.

Not because I'm escaping from reality and choose to hide in my fantasies.

But because I have come to realize that some things need no formal conclusion.

Especially when things have passed and years have passed and everyone has moved on, I must learn to put it down and move on too.

Yes, certain memories will linger.. I will be sentimental... But right now, I have my things around me to cherish and hold on tightly to. If I don't learn to put down the past, I'll never learn to hold the present in my hand and treasure it.

And indeed, God has loved me so much... And given me so much...

Some things need no formal conclusion and there is no point to dig up the past. But my dear God is merciful enough to allow me a conclusion in my own dream. He knows me so well..

I was really happy in the dream.. Not because I want to go back to the past but because I think I'm ready to move on, with smiles on my face. With smiles on your face... On everyone's face.

I pray that the good Lord would bless all of us happy marriages, and that through learning how to love one another, we learn how to love God, and how He really love us. <3

Labels: counting grace, encountering God

Nope, I won't chase after you again. I've ran after you once, for reconciliation, but that doesn't mean you can walk away from me all the time and expect me to chase after you all the time.

There is a limit to my generosity. I'm not an angel. I'm only human.

Labels: rant