the time of singing has come!

Day 5

It is already nearing the end of the retreat! It's amazing how time really just sped past. The past two days were used for our full-length articles and I am still in the process of my first draft. It is kind of exciting, but at the same time worrying. Exciting in the sense that I can actually be part of the Literary Ministry, serving God in this manner. That my words, according to the motivation of the Holy Spirit, can be passed on from generations to generations. That is the power of LM, that the words of God never fade away, and it stands as testimony for God, throughout the ages. Worrying, because I have come to experience fully what it means to have the Spirit abiding in you in your service and how scary it is when He leaves you. I need God in my service, otherwise I have no ways of even serving Him anymore.

Throughout these three days of work, one valuable lesson that I have really learnt from this retreat is the importance of bible study. If we want to serve in this area of ministry, the bottomline is that we need to know the bible. And that means spiritual discipline. And I am quite determined to go and know my stuffs now. I need to be equipped as a writer for God.

I really appreciate the pains the coordinators went through, getting us to do webbing, clustering, Content Outline, and research. This three days of bible study were reallly valuable lessons. I realised that if I keep a teachable heart, I can discovered new things each time I flip the bible. It's really amazing. Sometimes, I am just too lazy to read finish a passage that I am unfamiliar with. But I discovered that if we really set our heart to ponder over the word of God, He really shows us deep mysteries.

I really need some rest. Tomorrow is basically the last day of our retreat since Saturday is Sabbath. A whole day of writing. I hope my first draft will be ready tomorrow.

The sun sets at like 10pm here? I wonder if tmr's night service is considered Sabbath service then. lol :X

good night.


Gifford Park
June 29, 07 Friday
00:50

Day 2

Strangely, today went by rather quickly. Had bible study sessions as usual (I have never studied Micah before -_-"), and also a peer editing session on our devotional drafts. I still have difficulty expressing my thoughts. Sometimes, I don't even have any thoughts. It kind of weird, like who wouldn't think?

I sort of rewrote my devotional and am glad that it is finally done. I don't think it is really good or anything like that, but I just pray that someone will be edified. Just one, and I would have glorified God.

I continue to pray that words be given to my mouth and to my pen (more specifically, my typing hands) so that the fire, zeal and passion that burns within me may be conveyed and expressed on paper, such that people may be edified and God may be glorified.

Starting on full-length articles tomorrow.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers.

June 25, 07 Monday
2305

Day ONE of EWR@Edinburgh

A few hours ago, I was convinced that I just can't write for God. I had no opinions during bible reading, no inspiration on what to write about, and was having difficulty expressing myself in words. During the prayer before dinner, I just suddenly felt so weak and gift-less. I had the sudden feeling that God was actually not with me anymore.

What happened? Were my prayers getting routined? Were my cries simply rituals? I suddenly felt very scared. I cannot waste church's resources. I definitely have to go on with this retreat and make the best out of it. Even if my gift is not in writing, I have to make sure I at least complete this course to the best of my ability. I cannot just give up and walk out of this whole thing now. That was when I really bowed my head in front of God in my prayers. Literally. Really low, such that it dawned on me that I have not been doing that already. I felt so worthless then. I was thinking, I can't sing well, I can't talk to people well, ... and now I can't write well. It's like there is nothing I can do. For God.

And then, I prayed to God,

"God, I knew that I wasn't a good writer the day I decided to sign up. But I just thought that I want to be used by you. To be your tool. To be your instrument. That's all. I can't write on my own. I can only be your pen. Please use me to speak your Words."

I really felt so worthless then. Like I am good for nothing. Like trash. But I do still have a willing heart to be used by God. So I can only pray that He will use me. And I will give all glory unto Him.

The rest of the evening I continued on my devotional. I really did not want to give up. I can do it. Just got to change my perspective a little. I am not gift-less. God will use me if I turn towards Him with a pure heart. But I also realised that God will only use clean vessels. If I really want to be used by God, I ought to really present myself pure and holy in His sight.

Another worthy note was the point made during one bible study session today. "It is never about the work. It's about the worker." God can easily give the work to another person, just like what Esther realised (esther 4:13-14). God's purpose for me here in Scotland, I realised, was to shape me as a person. He is trying to perfect me for His glory. Thank God for such grace.

I managed to churn out the first draft of my devotional today. Really praise God!

Gifford Park Church
June 24, 2007 Sunday
2345

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:6-8

Peace beyond understanding. I experienced it during prayer today. The Holy Spirit sustained me and assured me that whatever might be happening around us, however chaotic or inconceivable, as long as I have the peace of God within me, I will do just fine. The surroundings might not have changed. But I can go on, with God in me.

我们不能改变环境，但我们能改变心境。 这是在一个证道上听过的，我怎能忘记？

Thank God for a good start to Spiritual Meeting cum 80th anniversary June'07. (: I pray for the joy and peace of God to fill me fully.

Father, I am really tired of being whom I am not. I am tired of pretending it doesn't hurt when it pierces. Tired of only having the intentions but no strength nor capability to carry out the actions. Tired of all these evil thoughts running and running through my head. Thoughts of murmuring, criticising, jealousy......

I want to run to you, Father and just be wrapped within your arms. And be protected from all these. I want to be dressed in white, shining with glory, standing before You and singing hymns of praises at the top of my voice. And to be smiling, genuinely, all day....

But what happens when one grows tired of.... hoping?

confident voices.
pirates of the caribbean.
drifting in the vast limitless ocean.
being pushed and pulled by the tides.
not knowing where one belong.
not knowing where one should go.
not knowing where there is a space I can fit in. I don't need a huge area, a crack will do, if you may welcome me in...

Stop assuming...
Do include...
please...

__________________________________________________________

Holy Convocation

Spiritual meeting begins tomorrow night. May the Lord renew my spirit and give me more strength to face each day confidently. How many 80th anniversary can we have? Only one. Let's cherish this grace from our God. That we are able to partake of this holy convocation together in His house. His ONE house.


Leviticus 23:1-2
The LORD said to Moses, "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'These are my appointed feasts, the appointed feasts of the LORD, which you are to proclaim as sacred assemblies."

Leviticus 23:23-25
The LORD said to Moses, "Say to the Israelites: 'On the first day of the seventh month you are to have a day of rest, a sacred assembly commemorated with trumpet blasts. Do no regular work, but present an offering made to the LORD by fire.' "

Leviticus 23:37
"These are the LORD's appointed feasts, which you are to proclaim as sacred assemblies for bringing offerings made to the LORD by fire—the burnt offerings and grain offerings, sacrifices and drink offerings required for each day."


Let's discern this gathering as sacred and put aside all that are bugging us right now and offer up ourselves, body and spirit, to our God. He who is watching us gather together in His name.