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God, I am really really very sad. I wish I didn't have to wake up. The most peaceful I have felt in a long long while was the short few seconds when I just opened my eyes from my sleep. Then suddenly, as consciousness came upon me, many many thoughts and realities came into my mind, and my heart feels so heavy again.
I pushed away all my appointment for this morning. I just didn't have the mood to do them. I am really tired. I don't have the ability and energy to think anymore. Everything is a mess to me now. I don't understand why it has to be like this.
I just wanted to love. I may not know how, but I wanted to learn.
God, why must you give me a test like Job's? Of course, the only difference being he was a righteous man. But still, why must you always make me alone? Why do You want me to be so independent? Lone believer in the family. Lone sister of my age in church. Alone alone. I just don't understand why?
God, there is really nobody on earth that knows me anymore. That truly understands, appreciate, and love me for everything that I am. Last night's prayer, while I prayed, I still couldn't stop the pain. I don't want it to be like that. I want to be a happy girl, with total faith in her almighty God. But it's so hard. The tears just flow. But at least, I was made aware of something beautiful last night. If I had not received the Holy Spirit, last night I would have felt so lonely in this vast, empty world. Everything would seem so meaningless. But as I prayed, I take comfort that at least the Holy Spirit was praying together with me. He was with me, and in me.
God, I really want to forget about everything. It is too hard to hold on to even the memories. I want to go away. I want to leave this place.
I let You down, God. I am just too weak. I have given all that I could. That was all I could do. I have done everything. My perspectives have changed so much in this past month, but these are still not able to effect to anything. I too want to give up. But it's just very hard.
Lord, please come quickly. I just want to stop all the tears and the pain.
I pushed away all my appointment for this morning. I just didn't have the mood to do them. I am really tired. I don't have the ability and energy to think anymore. Everything is a mess to me now. I don't understand why it has to be like this.
I just wanted to love. I may not know how, but I wanted to learn.
God, why must you give me a test like Job's? Of course, the only difference being he was a righteous man. But still, why must you always make me alone? Why do You want me to be so independent? Lone believer in the family. Lone sister of my age in church. Alone alone. I just don't understand why?
God, there is really nobody on earth that knows me anymore. That truly understands, appreciate, and love me for everything that I am. Last night's prayer, while I prayed, I still couldn't stop the pain. I don't want it to be like that. I want to be a happy girl, with total faith in her almighty God. But it's so hard. The tears just flow. But at least, I was made aware of something beautiful last night. If I had not received the Holy Spirit, last night I would have felt so lonely in this vast, empty world. Everything would seem so meaningless. But as I prayed, I take comfort that at least the Holy Spirit was praying together with me. He was with me, and in me.
God, I really want to forget about everything. It is too hard to hold on to even the memories. I want to go away. I want to leave this place.
I let You down, God. I am just too weak. I have given all that I could. That was all I could do. I have done everything. My perspectives have changed so much in this past month, but these are still not able to effect to anything. I too want to give up. But it's just very hard.
Lord, please come quickly. I just want to stop all the tears and the pain.
Hi, Mei Xing. You are not alone. Why i say this?
Coz I experience a tough and down situation before. There's always someone care for you when you are down. They also will remember you in their prayer. Remember a hymn named "Someone is praying for you". The hymn is very nice and touching.
Last but not least, the greatest help you can only get is from church brethren. No matter small or big help, it's just very different from outside friends.
Cheer up and have a big smile :D
Ken
Posted by
Steven Ken |
10:15 AM
thanks, ken
Posted by
just a passer-by in this world |
10:07 PM