the time of singing has come!

I know your fears.

I know your anxieties.

They say it would be harder on the girl. And I can say it is probably true. But despite all these sacrifices that was made, in order for this day to take place, there have been rewards too.

Like waking up to seeing someone who would kiss you on the forehead and remind you that you are loved.

Like having someone accompany you through your sickness till you feel better.

Like sharing his favourite shows and knowing him more and more (sometimes, in a weird way).

There had been rough times, of course.

Like when it got so bad that I went back to my parents' home myself and cry my eyes out. But he came down to fetch me when I eventually got home just before midnight. And I know, his parents stayed up and waited for me too, though they didn't say a thing.

There were times when we needed some time apart too else we would be too close for comfort.

Like that time he went off to meet his friend and came back late. His parents probably thought we had another argument and asked him not to drink too much. Haha. I think we were both glad to have the time apart.

It gets better every week and it can only get better with time if two persons have the common goal in mind to build up a loving family that reflects His love.

And so after a month of being a Mrs, I have learnt that I have been quite silly being tied up with all the wedding planning. Because it isn't the wedding that matters, but the marriage that is important.

To be honest, I haven't probably look through all my photos and videos of that day. And we have yet to upload our photos from our honeymoon, or even look at them! You see, girl, life kind of just moves on. Sometimes we can't stay at one moment and try to savour it too long. Otherwise, we would miss out on other beautiful moments.

We move on, with the one we love, and learn to savour each moment with him.

So don't get too worried about the day. Neither should you think too much about what's after. Life has its way of teaching us what we need to learn. And that's because our dear Lord is behind it all. :) so, not to worry.

Labels: counting grace, marriage, Wifey

We were late again today.

Late to have proper breakfast and lunch before we headed for church.
Late to go for morning service.
Late to wake up. Because we were late to sleep last night.
In the end,  we were still late for afternoon service.
Just like last week.

What is wrong?
I realise two persons' inertia is much greater than one's.
And I had thought two persons determination might be better than striving alone.

It turns out to be harder than I thought.

This isn't going the way I had imagined.

What is wrong?

We quickly settled down and I kept myself engaged by taking notes. But at the corner of my eyes, I see him nodding off. Why does this happen every service? What is wrong with him?

But I realise that before I see the speck in my brother's eye, I ought to consider the plank in my eyes. Why do I also find myself nodding off during services when the word ought to have satisfy my need? What is this taste, bland, and tasteless?

I find myself asking what am I here for? What am I doing? Am I happy? 

The deacon spoke about a balanced life, one that puts God first and in the centre. I know, I do know, from the core of my being I know, that if God is centre in my life, everything else will fall in place. I will be happy. I know that. But why is it so hard to put things into action? Why is it getting harder now that I must move not only one wretched being, but two?

I'm tired of this really.

The deacon exhorts that we must organise the clutter in our lives and let God take center stage. Only then can we see that our lives will become more balanced and things will fall into place better.

I desperately need to clear the clutter.

Last night, there was a huge flying cockroach in our room which escaped under our bed.  We slept in fear. This is not how I want things to be.

I need to clear the clutter in my life, so that I can find what I need easily. I need God. I desperately need Him.

I'll start with organising the clutter in our room first. Start with the physical and eventually the spiritual is what matters. Get rid of the cockroach. Wait for me, God.

Labels: encountering God

I think personal counselling will do me good at this point in time. So desperately want to figure out what's wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if there is perhaps something inherently wrong with me. Otherwise, why do I have few trusted friends? Otherwise, why is it so hard to open up? Sometimes, I think that the whole world hates me. And maybe God also dislike me, afterall I often fall short of His grace. I am often so weak.

Sometimes I think that it is really easier to be alone. Alone and just be with God. Not because I am high and mighty and so no one is comparable with me enough to be friends with me. But because there is just too much trouble to be acquainted with me and even more trouble if u know me on a deeper level. Yet, why do I often pride myself as being a trusted confidante? Am I really one? Am I genuinely caring or am I just seeking approval?

Sometimes, I wish someone would tell me the answer so that I can be at peace and just be myself.

Sometimes, I wish I can be more loving, more and more and more, because love is hard and communication is difficult.

Perhaps the trauma caused has already affected me in a implicit manner and I didn't even know why I find it hard to establish trusting relationships. But thank God that it is brought into my awareness now and I must learn...

And I must learn that words can hurt.
And I must learn patience..
And I must learn love.

We have to stop
waiting
for things to happen
before 
we can be happy.

We have to
choose
to be happy
now,
despite 
what is happening.

And...
gratitude
really is
the way to go.

Labels: contemplation, counting grace

The first official day as a married couple spending the day together back home - we spent the most of our time on unpacking, unwrapping presents, and going through our finances. Hahaha, really typical of a newly-wed I guess. :)

But we also headed out to shop! For our room's furniture so that our room can be more organized. He is accommodating to my OCD so much :) muji was a great place to get our stuffs!

One day is just not enough. There is still quite a lot to pack, organise, settle, ... And I really need like a couple of days more. Too bad I'm going back to work tmr :/ while he gets his "off day" from work and me tmr hahah.

Life's not yet "back to normal", still adjusting, packing and moving stuffs, and settling finances... hope to be "normal" soon so that we can start our lives as a couple in the daily life. :)

Labels: marriage, Wifey

Tonight marks the first night at Thomas' parents' place as his wife. We are just back from our honeymoon which was right after our wedding. Spent the night unpacking and washing (my own stuffs :p) while he is now dead asleep. Haha.

As this journey being someone's wife begins, I believe there are even more challenges and learning ahead. Kind of excited, but also still takes time to get used to all these changes. Same for the people around us too - his parents and sister, my parents, especially my mother. Really kind of misses her ;)

I know there has been a long pause in this blog. I had been busy with all the wedding preparation and stuffs... But I'm not gonna give up like that. I believe I will have more to write in the days ahead, having now going through another phase of my life. May the words which are written edify both the writer and the readers.

Labels: Wifey

一點都不開心。。