the time of singing has come!

Happy birthday to me!! Haa.. a silly entry wishing that God may continue to guide me and lead me in my salvation path. May You also grant me understanding so that I can make the right decisions according to Your will. Let me learn how to be resolute in my actions for God. Let me remember to always rejoice in Your love!

meixing, jiayou!

A bit of a mixed-emotions day today. Lately many many things are on my mind. Perhaps that is why I am quite easily frustrated or even pissed off.... Please do not hesitate to rebuke me if you find that I am behaving in this manner. Remind me that I am not handling things the right way. I will listen if you were to rebuke me with love.

During the last prayer after choir, I cried out to the Lord... He comforted me... and I asked for His forgiveness. The thing was that, I was feeling extremely frustrated over the new songs we are learning... Actually I have a secret desire to sing first sop. But I was asked to sing second sop... the worse thing is after i've come to accept this role, I just can't seem to sing the parts well! I just dun get it! I started to blame it on me having no musical background...etc etc. Come to think of it now, I totally forgotten about the content of today's sermon on "treating yourself well"! And I even got frustrated with yh. It was so mean of me.. But I really wanted to sing my part well, I really wanted to present this time round.....

I was even angry at those who were so familiar with the songs! haaaiiii. I think I let evil enter my heart already and wasn't thinking straight anymore. I even refused to sing towards the end of choir. What was wrong with me?

And so as I knelt down before God, I cried out to Him. I asked Him to cleanse my heart. And fill me so that I may be a better person. I kept calling for Him to forgive me and to help me. And I really felt that I was so wrong. In my attitude, my thinkings, my actions. I felt worthless and filthy before the Lord.

But thank the Lord, because I know He forgives. He knows my anxieties. He knows my aspirations. But I must remember humility before Him and rely on Him.

The dinner after choir with church brethrens conclude the day with a happy note though. There were 16 of us! celebrating 4 of our birthdays! We went Swensen's @ airport. And there was even a cake! icecream cake! Hmm.. its the first time I am celebrating my birthday with church brethrens i think.. really very glad. and the first time I have an icecream cake for my birthday cake (tho it was shared :P but giving out slices by slices to them made me feel as tho the cake's mine!) . I am rather happy. haha. If only I have got a camera!! We made do with a 2mp camera phone and a self-initiate photographer. (: Thanks all for the treat!! Thank God for an enjoyable dinner and good fellowship.

ohhh haii. I lost a earstud last week and I just lost the back of my new earstud just now! totally cursed or what? hee. oh well. perhaps God has prepared beforehand. I can use the back of my lost earstud for this new earstud which I have just lost the back. hmm.. did I confuse you?

Anyway, still some other things on my mind that are causing the mixed emotions in me. A lot of things at hand to handle!!! Please God, teach me according to Your ways and help me manage all these.

I talked to my mom regarding baptism just now. And seems like she haven't got strong objections this time! She seemed resigned to her fate... and also seemed to be tired about all these religion stuffs.. recently she has got a good friend who started to attend church as well and had even sent away the idols in her house. I guess she is losing her faith on religions and gods.. She came up with another theory saying that, some people are just more fated to be inclined to a particular religion. For those who change religion halfway, its cos their yuan fen with that religion has ended. But what really surprised me was her saying that "if move house, I want to be a freethinker. If I feel like entering church, I shall. If I want to go worship at temples, I shall...." I think she meant that she will send away the idols in our house!

Thank God.. really thank Him that He made my conversation with mom easy.. I was very worried how to start it.. I pray that He will continue to work in my mom's heart and bring understanding and peace to her.

Next step.... to ask my dad. really dunno how it will go cos i am also not close to him.. Please continue to pray for me. Thanks (:

God is faithful. He requires only a simple faith from us.

Lately, I have not been allowing myself to draw closer to God.. I kept myself busy with other things, people, activities... actually, ashamed to say, I dun read the bible daily. have no such habits.. Do I pray daily? and with that, i really mean long deep prayers. Not merely simply saying a prayer. I guess my answer is no.. I think its really sad.. cos God really wants us to talk to Him.. tell Him what's occupying us.. what's making us happy and glad.. what's worrying us.. what's making us sad...

Hmm. i think i have not talk to God in a long long while.. Sometimes, in my prayer, i would think "aiyah, God, you know la...." and so, I found no need to really spell things out. But really, it does us good to spell things out sometimes. It allows us to understand what we are really worrying about, whats occupying our mind (and heart), what we are really fearful about...

I guess thats the reason why I broke down last night.. and it felt good to cry to the Lord. Only His loving arms can bring me comfort. Only His love can mend my broken spirit and heart. He knows me better than I know myself. He lights up the path in front of me, guiding me to realise the path I should walk and the path that I should not even think of trying.

ok, I shall not deviate.. My first topic is that God is faithful. For He answers prayers. There is one song that goes "He did not come to answer my questions; He came to answer my needs." How true! Im very much comforted by this. God is the only one who knows our exact needs. He sees our past, our present, our future. He will provide. He will open the way. He will guide.

Man are often short-sighted, very easily blinded by the things in front of them such that we cannot see what's beyond. We can't see eternity, therefore, out of sight, out of mind. But it is often only a matter of time that God answers our prayers. If what we are praying about is according to the word of God, then i guess it is only a matter of time. It might take a while.... but when God finally answers, sometimes He works so silently that you wont even realise this had been exactly what you've prayed about, until the Holy Spirit reminds you about it! And then, you will cry with joy, knowing that God is indeed faithful. This is a testimony from a sister, which i agree fully.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ,..." 1 Peter 1:6-7

As for a simple faith, there were a little discussion about it over a short supper just now. We tried to define what's "a simple faith". Indeed, it is hard to have a simple faith in today's society, especially when we are living in such a prosperous society. Often, we find that in our overseas ministries, in those societies whereby people are less prosperous, less high-tech, less materialistic, who actually even lack physically, they are the ones with that simple faith.

If you've been reading my blog, not long ago, I talked about "a simple faith". But that was just to comment on my views that debates and long discussions over matters of faith are sometimes redundant. I said that because I realised the rise in the number of blogs which appear to serve the purpose of discussing about issues pertaining to religion and faith. One of us commented that in our today's society, a simple faith is not that possible, because man seeks to understand and know exactly what they are going to believe in. So we need to show them supporting evidences etc in order to let them see the truth. For example, if we try to tell non-believers that the bible is true, we have to show them all the sources and materials that support our argument. Not likely that one is able to readily accept what you tell them. But yet, this is not true of those in more backward societies.

The reason being that, they lack? They need something. someone. For us, do we actually think we are lacking? Do we actually need something, someone?

Actually, we do. Just that we are so trained to thinking that we can do something about it ourselves. We are all seeking to fill that void within us. Some by seeking knowledge, some by shopping, some by gambling.... We are trained to develop pride actually. I recall my primary school teacher always telling us "Take pride in your work!" haha.. not that its the best example.

I admit that I am very easily proud. Yet I need some recognition to keep myself going. Wonder how to achieve a balance. Think only God can help me with this, so dun worry, I'm praying about it (:

And so.. my definition of "a simple faith" (which is also what I hope to achieve). I guess... often, those with this simple faith are the simple-minded.

"Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” And He laid His hands on them and departed from there." Matthew 19:13-15

Children are probably the most simple-minded. Thats also the reason why I like to talk to them. They most probably do not have deep knowledge of the bible and doctrines, but they are taught that there exists a God who loves them, though they cannot see Him. With that, they put their trust in Him. and pray to Him. And Jesus said "for of such is the kingdom of heaven".

I guess my stand is that you dun have to have vast knowledge of the bible in order to be His child. Of course, its good if you are gifted in this area and thus can help to exhort the weaker ones. But how many can actually digest all those theological debates? A preacher once told me about a sister who do not know much about the bible but yet had strong faith in God. Its the heart that ultimately matters. (I think i had this concern then because my parents are not very educated and so I felt that it will be difficult for them to come and know God since they cant really read the bible?)

As for me, I really still lack bible knowledge. Sometimes, when attempting to preach, I feel so handicapped! Spiritually handicapped. Yes, this is an area whereby I got to improve... but that doesn't prevent me from drawing close to God. I was a lost sheep. He sought me. He called me back. He taught me His truth. He now dwells in me. I made mistakes. I asked for forgiveness. He cleansed me and assured me. I lost my way. I willfully deviate from the right path. I got scared. I called out to Him. He answered and accepted me again. and again.

And so... To hold on to His hand always. To listen to His voice. To believe in His promises. To trust in His providence. To have faith in what is to come. No matter what happens, good or bad. This is my simple faith.

And for now, I have faith that He shall open the way for my salvation.
Please pray for me. (:

Peace.

It's been a while since i last cried bitterly to the Lord. Its not that I haven got my fair share of problems, perhaps its more because I haven got time to do so. I haven got time to reflect upon myself lately..

Others around me may not be doing anything wrong.. but I know that I am in danger.. But I am trying my best, to do the things that pleases God, and not as I please. God, you know I am trying hard right? But grant me strength, for I am weak.

Sometimes, man are the most complex beings. I am not just refering to those people I do not understand, whom perhaps dun want me to understand? since they didnt want to give me a concrete reason for their plea. But, I am refering also to myself, for if i dun even understand myself, how can pple understand me?

I shall cry. and attempt to reestablish my closeness with God as I pour out my tears to Him and He collect them in His bottle.

Years ago, a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and crops. As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a steady stream of refusals.

Finally, a short, thin man, well past middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the farmer asked him.

"Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.

Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help, hired him. The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk, and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work.

Then one night the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's sleeping quarters. He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie things down before they blow away!"
The little man rolled over in bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly secured. Everything was tied down.
Nothing could blow away. The farmer then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed to also sleep while the wind blew.

Moral of this story:
When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically, you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through your life?

The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he had secured the farm against the storm. We secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding ourselves in the Word of God. We don't need to understand, we just need to hold His hand to have peace in the middle of storms.

May God Bless You And Yours.

great day today. enjoyed all the craps, our version of kbox, "The Choir" and fellowship over dinner. (:

thank God and praise Him!

i was rather angered during choir practice.. sighh. felt totally redundant and unwelcomed. perhaps i shouldnt have gone in the first place. I didnt think I "quited" since I have made known from the beginning that I wasnt presenting right? Did I send out conflicting message? grrr.. im sorry k, if i made things difficult for anyone. but happily I went for choir, thinking I could sing sing sing but then... got home lost in the end. perhaps I really should have gone home with yingbei.

Thats the real problem with me. I can never make the RIGHT decision. Given two options, I often choose with my heart and desires, rather than with my brain. maybe I haven got a brain, thats why. I should have gone home with yb. I should have talk more with her and understand more about her thoughts and feelings regarding church and stuffs. But I chose to gratify my own desires and went for choir practice. And many a times I have already neglected my school work, doing other stuffs instead. How can I make the right decision? How do I learn to let go of certain things?

But it was really bad of me to be put off too... think everyone was under stress since tmr is the real thing and there was quite some last minute work still... Perhaps I really gave them more trouble in the end. Im glad wanzhen was there to try to knock some sense into me. She said "sometimes people dun mean what they said..." which is very true.. but perhaps it meant so much to me that I attended the practice... and so when I seemed to be in people's way, it kind of hurts. Like, do they know how much it meant to me? to be able to sing with them?

haii.. Im sorry Im whining again. This is so unedifying.

May God's peace stay within us.

ahhh i feeling unwell still. Im afraid that it could be serious this time? i mean this has dragged on for so long already.. making me having no mood to do my stuffs.. my back is aching.. and my lower abdomen feels congested..

Im starting on a new diet.. hope it helps.

i totally have an upset stomach today. ): but am glad i met up with church brethrens to have dinner with natalia.. probably the last time i will see her.. anyway I was quite moved by the concern they showed for me. esp the "toasted bun without butter"! he's really like a big brother to me (:

and speaking of brothers and brethrens.... baptism is scheduled on Nov 26 already. How should i raise the question again this time? a few younger youths in church are urging me to get baptised. YES. I wish I could. I wish I could do so without worries and happily. But what I really need is your prayers. And God to open the way. I wish I could quickly grow up sometimes. Both mentally and spiritually. Perhaps shed my childish nature. Then perhaps my parents will allow me more freedom and autonomy. Then I can also help out more in church. I really just want to serve God.. with my voice, with my hands, with my limited knowledge, with my limited resources. I enjoy fellowship and I look forward to the eternal fellowship in the heavenly kingdom to come.

haha... can you sense the depressed mood coming out again? nahh. I am just very overwhelmed by God's love and grace. Truly feel indebted and yet unable to repay. I thought i was so close... so close to salvation.. that my family might be accepting of my belief already. but each time my mother showed her displeasure towards me spending so much time in church, my spirit gets drenched again. Its like I have got to climb all over again.

And then I saw also the JY'95 group photo. and I look at them, more than ten years later after that photo, in front of my eyes. How envious am I! I also want to grow up in church, protected under God's arms. I also want to form lasting friendship and brotherhood in Christ. But then, God brought me back to His fold, didn't He? Perhaps He has been also walking with me ever since I was born... preparing the day I should get to know Him.

Now... my long-term goal is in my heavenly kingdom. Whereas my short-term goal is to be a part of this household of God. and my greatest desire is to sing for God.

This is pretty strange or odd how it worked out this way. Even if you are not religious you should read this.

What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
Answer:
Psalms 117

What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
Answer:
Psalms 119

Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
Answer:
Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188.

What is the center verse in the Bible?
Answer:
Psalms 118:8

Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?

The next time someone says they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word!

Psalms 118:8 (NKJV)
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."

Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?

When things get tough, always remember...
Faith does not get you around trouble, it gets you through it!

by Katherine Kehler

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28)

My faith in God's perfect will for me was tested again this week. We were driving back to our home in British Columbia from California. Three days of driving and we would be home. Next week would be very full for we already had booked many appointments.

And then God interrupted our plans. Three hours out of Palm Springs our truck stopped and we couldn't start it again. We called AAA and four hours later a tow truck arrived and brought us to a service station. We left our RV on the shoulder beside the highway and prayed for God's protection over it.

Oh well, so we would have to stay in a motel for a day, that would be fine. At first we were told it was a minor problem and that it could be corrected in a few hours the next morning, but it was more serious and the two hours turned out to be two days.

I found myself getting irritable and impatient. We would have to change all of our appointments because we would arrive home at least two days later than we planned.

I turned to God and asked Him why I felt irritated and was not peaceful. He told me I was impatient and irritable because I didn't really believe that His plan for me was better than my own plan. That was true. I had to agree that I thought it was more important to be driving home than waiting in a motel room.

However, we were able to share our testimonies with a couple in a restaurant and a service man. That could have been one reason we were held up. But I think God wanted to reveal to me it is easy to believe that God's will is best for me when things go like I want. If God interrupts (or uses someone else to interrupt) my unbelief is revealed. I will give that area of my life to God so He can change it.

How about you? Has God been testing your faith lately? Do you really believe that God's will is best for your life?

Father, as an act of my will, I chose to believe that You work all things for the good of those who love You. I love You Lord and choose to trust You. Amen.

_____________________________________________________

Pr Chin AQ's sermon series on Moses really brought new perspectives to me. Today, he asked, "Do we really believe that God is almighty?" It made me ponder. Do I really? Or maybe, I am trying so hard to do certain things my way recently and "forcing" God to accept my ways as well. Have I shut my ears to the Lord? Have I chose not to look at God? What am I doing presently on earth? I seemed to have forgotten about my commissions as well.

Actually, those times when I kept murmuring over loneliness in church etc were the times when I was closest to God. because I've only Him then. When more people and more things come into your life, sometimes they obscure your view and you can't see God that clearly anymore. Sometimes you think you still do (in fact, perhaps you really do), but the vision is already blurred.

Do we really believe that God will guide our paths? That in the end, everything will work out, if we only trust in Him? Do we really believe therefore in the almightiness of God? Do we really believe that whatever kind of road we are faced with to walk on, its all for our good?

He told me I was impatient and irritable because I didn't really believe that His plan for me was better than my own plan. Perhaps this is true for me as well! I stuck to my own plan, hoping that it will be "approved" by God eventually as well... but why cant I just open my ears and seek God's advice?

Actually I don't like to have my visions of God blurred. I wish I could return to being that close with Him again. And therefore assured in His arms. Yet, I know that unless I give up certain pursuits and ideas that aren't really right, and then totally entrusting my life to the Lord, I cannot draw near back to God. Because all these are barriers separating me from God..

May I use this weekend to draw back to God and may my heart be open to accept what is of God (and put them into action).

yeeeaaah. stats test is OVER. ha ha. I only like studied one chapter of the variance text this morning! totally slept last night again... am i lazy, complacent, confident or truly lacking sleeeep?!! aahh. but thank God... another hurdle is crossed. was a rather rushed paper but at least i kind of finish it.. sigh hope my section B will be ok... totally left 15min for section B and its like practically half the paper's marks!!!! didnt realise it laaa.... boo.

Life is a race on the track, with continuous hurdles to cross!!

Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones.

The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the church leaders, president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger; as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

And lastly comes our little finger; the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, "The least shall be the greatest among you." Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

totally craapp. ha ha. i totally slept my entire night and this morning away! am I really lacking so much sleep? ): totally guessing through my "complementary med" test just now! siggh wonder if I would have done better if I have studied well for it? haven even study for my jap later tooo.... I dun wish to do badly for jap.. booo.

YEESS! just handed in (uploaded into IVLE) my developmental psych term paper. Hallelujah! A rather rushed work but thank God I managed to churn something out! ONE down!

Ok, latest updates. If i get to finish my devt psych paper like tonight, I will be left with FOUR tests to study for the coming week. Yep, two on tues, one on wed and one on friday. Not forgetting my daily japanese quizzes. Ha Ha.

But let me comfort myself: I am sure I am still managing fine. I am still surviving! And God is still my strength to go on. and to keep having hope. and to keep enduring. to keep trying.

Today, I received many blessings from God too. Let me count them now. I received JAY latest album as a gift. (: actually I already was expecting it so it wasnt too great a surprise. but THANKS. Pik Sin bought me ENO cos I can almost vomit my "crap" out already and my stomach hasn't been feeling well for the past week or more. Touched!

And when I got home at like midnight after my last tuition (for the year) session with Valerie (free ride home!!), I found a pile of letters addressed to me! Two are birthday treats from singtel and Perlini! which actually means my birthday is coming......? One is a letter informing me that my study loan MONEY is credited into my account already! Yay... lol. And lastly, a card from two special girls. (: Im feeling blessed and loved and I really dun care if I cant study finish or what anymore. anyway, when have I ever study finish for a paper? But it is God, time and time, allowing me the grace to walk on this path. God directs my path and I want to follow where He leads, thats all.

Yep.. the road ahead sure is foggy but I have God's hand in mine. And so, I have no fear. Thanks, Jesus. Grant me more strength today.