the time of singing has come!

i could have told her about it
i thought it was a chance given by God
but whats the point of telling?
if it only brings pain, or even guilt

anyway, its been so long
they probably remembered it as a different story
different from the version in my mind
a version that up till 1-2 years ago was only known by myself
but i know that God also knows

i used to think i was hiding
but i know now that i have nothing to hide
its just that
there's really no need to tell
until the God-appointed time
when telling it would then give it more meaning
if the story can be told in a way glorifying to His name

i hope that the two persons who know it would not tell
afterall, it is my story

and you people who are reading this
dont get too excited over this and wanting to dig up my history
especially you hidden readers
maybe this is nothing
perhaps i simply chose to present it in a mysterious way
in any case
all things will be revealed at the end
everything that is hidden or done in the dark will also be brought into light

if you are really so interested in my story
then wait patiently for Jesus' coming loh
hee.
He's coming soon, don't worry :D

another thing that i am learning to wait, and to keep silent.
until His time comes.

-----

on a lighter note
i just spent the entire day on the chapter "mood disorders" in children
and i still havent finish it
now that is depressing. ):
:P

they just totally rejected me
hahah
so strange
just when i was beginning to think maybe i can do this
then they totally turn me around to the other direction again

even more strangely
i dont feel too bad about it

of course when i think back
there were many instances whereby i think i could have had conveyed my message more properly
many instances whereby i realise i might not have been clear
but then i also think that their advice is valid

should i take up teaching first then? :S

in any case
im actually glad
cos i feel that it's actually God answering my prayers
i haven been too sure about this
then when i thought maybe i can really do this
this result came about

im glad i went with a positive attitude though :D

case closed.

I choose LOVE...
No occasion justifies hatred;
No injustice warrants bitterness.
I choose love.
Today I will love God
And what God loves.

I choose JOY...
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical... the tool of the lazy thinker.
I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God.
I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I choose PEACE...
I will live forgiven.
I will forgive so that I may live.

I choose PATIENCE...
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world.
Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so.
Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray.
Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I choose KINDNESS...
I will be kind to the poor,
For they are alone.
I will be kind to the rich,
For they are afraid.
And kind to the unkind,
For such is how
God has treated me.

I choose GOODNESS...
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one.
I will be overlooked before I will boast.
I will confess before I will accuse.
I choose goodness.

I choose FAITHFULNESS...
Today I will keep my promises.
My debtors will not regret their trust.
My associates will not question my word.
My wife will not question my love.
And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.

I choose GENTLENESS...
Nothing is won by force.
I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice,
May it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist,
May it only be in prayer.
If I make a demand,
May it only be of myself.

I choose SELF CONTROL...
I am a spiritual being
After this body is dead,
My spirit will soar.
I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal.
I will be drunk only by joy.
I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God.
I will be taught only by Christ.

(galatians 5:22)
Inspired by Max Lucado (DaySpring)

I must remember that nothing's too big for my dear God
I must learn to be more enthusiastic about life
I must learn to push away negative thoughts when I have to
I must lead a life that is of a Christian

Every day
Every day I must remember these.

---
I felt ugly today
just want to apologise to you girls

some kindness that i want to remember today.
thanks, viv
thanks, v
thanks, brohc
thank God

I refuse to study.

haha, I didnt get to study at all today. there is just so much (of other things) to do!
oh wells. its the Sabbath already
might as well take a real break.

come to think of it.
i haven taken a true Sabbath rest for a while....

Now Jesus stood before the governor. And the governor asked Him, saying, “Are You the King of the Jews?”

Jesus said to him, “It is as you say.”

And while He was being accused by the chief priests and elders, He answered nothing. Then Pilate said to Him, “Do You not hear how many things they testify against You?” But He answered him not one word, so that the governor marveled greatly.

(Matthew 27:11-14)

He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.

(Isaiah 53:7)

This was what struck me the most during Bible Study actually. How was He able to do that? How was He able to keep silent when so many things were wrongly against Him? How was He able to do that when He was in fact without guilt?

Many of us would have already started ranting to people or rambling on blogs. We feel this sense of injustice for ourselves and so we feel that it is reasonable to do so. We give justifications for our actions, saying that "aiyah, i just need to say it out then i will feel better le." Afterall we are only humans, we have our weaknesses ya....?

But Jesus was also fully man. Yet He was able to do it. I believe the crucial factor here was His focus on God's will. As I have wrote before in my previous entries, He knew what He was here on earth for. He knew these things will happen. He knew He would have to go through all of these. But, don't forget that being fully man, He feels too, like us do today. Yet, He "opened not His mouth". He kept silent, like a sheep led to the slaughter, like a sheep before its shearers.

He knows that at the end of the road, the answers will come. Not only to Him, but to all the people. God keeps track of things, and these things will be made known.

Amazing strength. Amazing stillness of the soul. Amazing peace He must have had.
I want to have all that too.

To keep silent.
Sometimes, it is the best thing to do.

---

He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
(Psalm 107:29-30)

Labels: Bible study, contemplation

If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously,
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me, would I say the things I say?
Would my words be true and kind if He were never far away?
Would I try to share the gospel? Would I speak more reverently
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?

If the Savior stood beside me, would my thoughts be clean and pure?
Would His presence give me strength and hope, and courage to endure?
Would His counsel guide my actions? Would I choose more worthily
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?

He is always near me, though I do not see Him there
And because He loves me dearly, I am in His watchful care
So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.

---

Forgot again about His presence.
If I had really remembered, I wouldn't have feel all these now.
But at times, I find it really hard to make sense of things. I thought writing works for me the way play therapy might work for kids. Yet, sometimes, even writing fails me.
I think it's another case whereby I can only remain silent. Just like Mary kept those things she saw about Jesus in her heart as He was growing up, so should I also simply keep these things in my heart. And simply let whatever it is pass; let time pass too.
At the end of the journey, I will have my answers.

Return to God, girl!
Keep going, move on.
He is waiting.

Hope to share the hymn with the younger ones some day.

i can't wait to leave this place, j and d.

it's such a weird, strange place.

pple are weird, and i am weird too. haha.

can't wait to leave this temporary place.

can't wait for Him to come again soon.

that's really all that i desire now.

if i can have that now, i don't mind not having all the rest

----

Keep your heart with all diligence,

For out of it spring the issues of life.

(Proverbs 4:23)

When one beholds a lake, the water surface has to be completely still before one can see a gentle breeze causing a stir across its surface. Similarly, one's spirit has to be still as the tranquil lake before one can hear the soft whisper of the spiritual wind, that is the Holy Spirit.

Moreover, just as the water surface needs to be completely still before it can reflect the blue sky and the heavens above, one's spiritual state has to rest completely in the mighty arms of God before one can manifest the image of Christ. This great peace in God can only come through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

---
I haven been shaken once again.
I am ashamed.
But sometimes, it is beyond me.
I am but only dust.

many many things I have put on hold long enough.
i think i deserve a treat.
and so i look forward to that long vacation after all my papers are over.
you can see it as a run-away,
or perhaps a hide-out.
i don't really know myself.
i only hope i have the time then to really pack things up and bury them away.
no more tears,
no more longing over the past,
no more remembrance,
no more pain.

it is possible, if i allow God to work.

keep it simple
don't think anymore
things are not going to return to how it was like
so move on
press on
God is still waiting for you at the end

and please, genuinely smile
and genuinely be happy
that's what a Christian should be like!

as long as there is at least one person who loves you, that is enough, isn't it?
and you know there is at least one person who do.
and one Almighty who do so even more.
and I love you too!
mx, treat yourself better please.
don't let your bones dry up!

pray for me?
believe me when i say i really want to come out of all these
i hate this recurring pattern of emo-ness too
i genuinely want to be happy,
like i was before,
in Christ.

----
ok, i better catch my one hr of sleep before a looooong day tmr.
I can pull through.
God will pull me through, as always.

If you have never watch "Fireproof" before, I think watching this clip is enough. This five minute is the essence of the whole movie.

Which is also what I personally experienced. And I thank God, because it was only after that experience that I came to really appreciate the love of God for me. That I can truly feel the extent of God's marvelous love.

Maybe that was the whole point of the entire episode. Maybe all other things do not matter.
Maybe.
I'm still learning.

It is taking too long. My hut is still burning. The smoke still engulf me. I am choked by the flames.

It is one of those days when you don't feel like doing anything but just indulge yourself in your tears.

I took time off to bend those knees and to let those tears fall.

Maybe I don't even have strength to run away anymore.
I just want to hide.

Hide where?
Somewhere, where people can't see me, can't hear me, can't judge me.
Somewhere where people can't hurt me.

I'm running low in my love tank.
I need to be loved too, you know.
I need to feel loved, too.
Don't everyone?

i feel like crying.

5 deadlines in a week. it's literally impossible!

and its supposed to be the last week of school? (as in, the LAST week of school ever for me?)

what a beautiful note to end on.


I don't have enough time.
panick.
I don't even have time to cry.

---

I don't even have time to bring my Hann to see a vet. He's limping. :'(

the house feels empty without Hann.

i wonder how life was like previously before we got Hann.
can't really remember now.

He's like always there now.. Like, he has always been there.

Same goes for my God i know. I wonder how I would feel if one day God should leave me too. Would I feel this strange sense of familiarity too?
Back to how it was like before I knew God?

or perhaps worse off?

For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame. (Heb 6:4-6)

-----

(sorry, this picture is NOTHING compared to the glory of the Lord when He comes again :D)

spent almost one whole afternoon walking around tampines and still found nothing! Nothing that screamed, "Buy me! I make a good present!" not only that, I went home with two bags of new stuffs that I bought for myself -__-, backache, and feet hurting. hahaha.

Then i suddenly wonder, after I graduate, will i ever have the luxury of time to wander around like this until my back ache and feet hurt? hahha.

NO MORE.

oh wells.

Anyway, glad for a good morning. glad that people came over and talked to her. glad for the smiles directed at me. glad for being able to communicate, like before.

Blessed. actually each one of us is so blessed. just that sometimes we need to be reminded. (:

OKAY. its time to get back to doing real work. haven't been doing that for the past one week? :X

You are:

distinctively expressed introvert

moderately expressed intuitive personality

distinctively expressed feeling personality

slightly expressed judging personality


Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

Taken from keirsey.com

------
Hmmm. interesting.

Had a good time up BP today, even though the rain made me feel wasted, cos we couldn't do the work. But thanks for all the rest, especially all the sharings. (: Thank God.

Life can take a turn
You never thought it would
Suddenly so much can change
With so little that's understood

You ask so many questions
It seems without reply
Your heart is pained with so much doubt
And unanswered questions 'why'

It's almost like we walk through life
Just feeling our way around
We can't see the road ahead
Nor our feet on the ground

Darkness is all about us
We struggle to see the light
Just a glimmer now and then
But then fades out of sight

We cry out to God again
To show us where to go
He says 'Just take another step
To where peace freely flows'

And as we keep on taking steps
Guided by the Lord
We find in time, we walk into
The joy we knew before

It's in those times of darkness
When we feel we've lost all hope
God can do a work in us
That brings a deeper growth

So when we face the dark times
We should come before the Lord
For good will come if we believe
And hope shall be restored

© By M.S.Lowndes

The bell just rang! :D

Can't believe it's April already....