the time of singing has come!

The line between the say and the don't say.
The line between the do and the don't do.
The line between the know and the don't know.

Where is that line?

Joshua Harris said in his book that the pursuit of righteousness should not be one that toe the boundary of sins. The pursuit of God should be in the opposite direction. We shouldn't attempt to toe the boundary of sins, thinking that as long as we don't cross the line, we are fine. In fact, we are only subjecting ourselves to danger!

I wish I can be so 潇洒, and just cast down all these, and run after God in the opposite direction. But sometimes, we just cannot resist the temptation to take things into our own hands.

Yet, for some other things, whether to say or not to say, do or not to do, know or not to know, it is a matter of wisdom. This line isn't really the boundary of sins, I think, but it really requires that one be wise to make the right decision. It also requires that one not be rash to jump into certain decisions.

In short,
... And a wise man’s heart discerns both time and judgment,
Because for every matter there is a time and judgment,
Though the misery of man increases greatly.
(Ecclesiastes 8:5-6)

It's a cloudy day today! But I'm stuck at home trying to digest all my readings. Took a break though, to notice two construction workers with their yellow helmets sitting on the rooftop of the block of flats opposite mine. They were seated at ease, so I reckon that they were taking a break? Near each of them was a pail (paint?) and there was this rod-like thing that stick out of it. They looked like they were fishing! HAHAHA. I was really tempted to take a photo! But I was afraid that I was intruding into people's privacy. But hello, they are seated at the rooftop. Who can't see them???

Then another one caught my eye. He was standing on even higher ground, at the staircase where it had led them to climb to the rooftop... and he was just looking straight ahead..

Suddenly, I had this strong desire to want to be up there too. To be so near the sky, and the clouds! (It is REALLY very cloudy today. Huge masses of clouds filling all the blue spaces of the sky.) And also being able to look down upon earth, at the people, the cars, the buildings.... and seeing how people busied their day through, while I just sit up there and breathe and take in everything that God had created.

And then, I suddenly realised that God must be up there now, watching all of us. As we busy through our days, or our lives even, He has always been up there watching us. He is keeping watch over us, but He is also watching our every moves. What we do, what we say, what we think, how we spend our time that He has given us, whether our thoughts and actions match, whether we are genuinely sincere in our love, etc etc. I wondered how He was thinking about me at that moment. I wonder how He has been thinking about me all these days. Have I been living up to His expectations? Have I been pleasing Him with my thoughts and actions?

One day, I shall be up there too, with my God.

---

And then, the sun came out. And the workers were back to work, painting the block of flats. And my Hann continued to sit by the door, silently waiting for my mom to return home from work. On a typical day, Hann sits by the door from 2plus to 4plus pm, depending on what time my mom returns home after work. What faithfulness! And in fact, trust, that my mom would be home soon.

What about me? Am I able to wait silently for my God to come, and trust that He would?

I didn't think that I was stressed.... until during service, when I suddenly felt like crying, and I desperately wanted to meet Jesus in the garden of prayer.

The list of the many things to be done is stuck in my mind, like a post-it pasted against the back of my brain. And the cells in my brain keep going through it, hoping to check off any thing that is completed......

Breathe, and keep positive. God will give sufficient strength to complete all things that are necessary.

:)

So many people leaving already...
bye, py.
bye, lq.
bye, eh.
bye, sm.
bye, tbt.
bye, zx.
....

Sometimes, words unsaid can only be conveyed thru a blog entry. haha. strange way how people works sometimes.

Anyway, I shouldn't dwell here for too long. Wanna go for youth tmr!

Just something to share:
There is wisdom in ignorance sometimes. I guess we have to be able to discern when it is wiser to be ignorant, and when it is wiser to know things. And that requires wisdom as well. :D

And to remember to trust in God, that He will reveal the things that we need to know when the time is right.

Therefore, there is wisdom in waiting too.

One final note:
The moment in time when we laughed together, I felt genuinely glad. Bad memories weren't evoked; it felt good, like how a family should be.

thank God for another blessed day :D

"think of wat u had done this past wk that set it different"

I don't really know exactly what's different... its probably partly attributed to me keeping to my daily bible reading and prayer again... and perhaps the deep feeling again that its been taking too long... and the resolution again to end all of this.. but I have had all these previously too.. and I failed still. Which is why I really hope that this time it is different. I have to make it different. I have to go out of my usual way so as to make it different this time.

One step at a time, no matter how small, will bring you closer to where you want to go.

You have the key; you can do it!

-----

Another thing to note.

I felt quite blessed today by the grace of God because He helped me to deal with certain circumstances appropriately again. Circumstances which I know previously will cause me to emo. But it didn't really made me so today (: Well, perhaps it almost threatened to..... but I destroyed all potentially emo thoughts at its roots. In a way, I laughed at God's sense of humour. He wasn't really trying to be funny when He purposefully set me up in situations which I hate and have always avoided. But so many times He made me face up to these situations and see how I deal with them. And slowly, I have to learn to deal with them positively. He wanted me to see my weaknesses, realise my weaknesses, and change them. Weaknesses are meant to be changed, by relying on the Holy Spirit. You might say that certain weaknesses cannot be changed, like the thorn in Paul's flesh, but your heart can be changed to be more accepting, and thankful to God. So something is still changed - your heart.

Anyway, I just felt blessed for this change of heart (which I hope isn't something temporary but that will endure and persevere).

To still remember:
Not asking for friends, but to be a friend.

cool, this came in through the mailbox. God knows what I need (:

In such a rushed and time-conscious world, patience and waiting often escape our natural reactions to everyday problems. In our cursory prayers, we hurriedly ask God to guide us and solve all of our problems, expecting peace and prosperity from Him. Unfortunately, we hardly wait to hear God’s reply before we wrap them up with a quick thanksgiving, more “please guide me” statements, and a final “Amen.”

Like Saul, we trust in the providence of God but lack patience. If Saul had waited a little longer, he would not have lost his kingdom (1 Sam 13:14) and most importantly, God’s favor and abidance. As the multitude of Philistines gathered to attack and his own people began to scatter, Saul grew desperate for help. Yet God is almighty and can control the universe with just one utterance. Even if Samuel never came, the Philistines would have been powerless against a patient and obedient Saul. For as Moses encouraged the Israelites, God promises “the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God” (Deut 11:27)

We know the necessity of God’s guidance and protection in our everyday lives. Yet we rush ourselves to work, the bank, and the grocery store, through all the turns and loops in between. We expect God to direct our paths, but often grow impatient at the twists and turns in life. God has already mapped them out (Job 13:27)—He has His time. We must learn to stop, breathe, and wait.

Time is selfish and stops for no one. But God comforts us with the promise that “all things work together for good to those who love God” (Rom 8:28). Loving God includes trusting His judgments and sacrificing time to pray with perseverance for the revelation of His divine will. Most of us despair after a week of silence, convince ourselves that God does not exist in our lives, and are swept back into the wave of the busy world.

Apostle Paul exhorts, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication… let your requests be made known to God” (Phil 4:6). With prayer on our side, we need only to wait patiently for the voice of God and watch for His reply. Sometimes God reminds us to add patience and trust to the hustle and bustle of our lives, for to “everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” (Ecc 3:1).

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thro' thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past;
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

(Hymn 476 Be Still, My Soul)

A private hour with the piano,
A serene trip to the christian bookstore,
A silent walk back home,
To still my soul.

I need to learn to be still.
And let God be God.
I need to learn to keep it simple,
to just do my part to God,
and let Him handle the rest.

Haiiii.
I want to be a Christian.
I want to be more loving.
I want to be more holy.
I want to be like Jesus.
In my heart, Lord.
In my heart.

toothpastefordinner.com


hahahah. what a funny comic. totally describes my blog.
It's time for a revamp.
I hope I can do it.
*determined* >_<

Yeaa, I so totally broke down today.
During the moment when the tears dropped uncontrollably, yahh, I can't help but think of you. I felt that God was telling me to give up. Like it doesn't matter how hard I try, I just can't make it. I was really really tired I guess. Maybe God just doesn't want me to press myself so hard. But I keep telling myself, press on, press on.

I haven't sleep on my bed for... no, I shall stop all the whining. If not, tsun and irene will start chanting in front of me again. :P thank you, girls (ie plus xinyu and vivi). But forgive me, because I am just too weak. I'm trying my best though to be better. :,)

Today was quite an eventful, but happy day :D

I'm glad, and I thank God.
Shall take a sabbath rest for now. :)

Today was a horrible day. Horrible inside my heart. Two times, tears threatened to fall. One was on the way to school; the other was on the bus back home at night. Maybe it is my hormones acting up.... the period of emo-ness for girls. I don't really know why I feel like crying, but perhaps my body knows that crying will help relieve some stress for me.

I just got home. And everyone was asleep already. I was glad for Hann's welcome though. He still woke up to greet me, although he was already sleeping. :D

Yesterday when I got home, I didn't even change my clothes and already got down to do my readings. My brother was like :O "你需要这么夸张吗？" lol..... I can already feel the strain on my eyes. They are constantly dry. I wonder how people can survive with contacts and so little sleep! And my head is constantly feeling heavy too.

Anyway, back to today. The evil in me was fighting to surface again. Or perhaps it did. I really struggled throughout the entire day. I think it's cos of all the stress from schoolwork? Plus, I thought I had been working hard? But it turns out that it just isn't enough, well, compared to my friends. Sometimes I feel tired trying to contantly chase after them from behind.

And, I don't know. I think I am just a weird character. It happened in theolo too. I assume too much for the wrong things? Like, I would think that if a friend didn't keep in contact, he/she really doesn't like me, and that each time I actually go and find him/her, I am actually a bother to the person. It seemed reasonable and logical, right?? Or I just assumed that a friend would prefer another person's company rather than mine and so I would avoid that friend. ): Plus, I am just not good with three-persons relationships. Which is why my close friends are all one person from here, another one from there, etc etc.

Nope, I didn't write this to condemn my friends in school. I love each of them. It's just that I don't know why it is so hard sometimes. Others don't seem to have this problem. And I remember the sermon which says if you keep encountering the same issues over and over again, then the problem is not with the external, but the problem is me myself. It isn't fair to show my flat affect to my friends and expect them to accept it.

So, I spent the entire day today trying to adjust my inner heart. I really feel very stressed and tired I think but I want to press on. I want to finish all my work on time. I want to also have time for the people I love. I can do it de... I keep repeating to myself on the train.

I miss joyce so much! Received the HUGE parcel two days ago (haha, ok la, not that huge, can still fit into letterbox) with lots of surprises. I was really touched. I can't remember if I actually mentioned to her before that I like those stuffs or she actually knows before I need to tell her?! Felt so loved. Thanks, beloved!

There are other people whom I really want to meet up with, but it is just so hard to find the time. ): press onnnn

The day didn't end so bad, and I am grateful I didn't burst in front of my friends. I know it is hard for them, or anyone in fact, to really know me. So, despite all the difficulties, I know that I am glad for having them around.

On the long journey to somewhere familiar - it may be for work or for school,
You have the music playing in your ear from your MP3 player or your phone,
You walk towards your destination, everything seemed normal, usual, familiar.
But suddenly a strange feeling came over you.
It makes you shift uncertainly.
You are not so sure why you feel this way.
You are not even sure what feeling is that.
It's a unfamiliar feeling...
It's as though something came over you and suddenly you feel.
You became aware of your existence in that space you occupy.
You became conscious of your alone-ness in this vast world.
You act like you don't care, but your heart tells you otherwise.

I desperately wanted human contact with someone familiar at that point in time.
I had the impulse to text somebody - anyone.
But the message did not happen.
Which explains the existence of this scribble.
I simply wanted to jot down this moment in words, tho' it probably will never be fully captured on paper.
But, perhaps you have had similar experience.
Then you would know what I mean.

At the moment when my heart was laughing at me,
The music in my ears sang "Lord Jesus, I thank Thee..."
And I was comforted by God's existence with me.
And I continued on my way.

Labels: encountering God

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don't know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what's best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me will you teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

(Better than I - David Campbell)

I am so busy....... :S and TIRED.
There are just too many things to be done. I need more time!

Sorrys to those people whom I really want to keep in contact with, but just can't find the time to do so for now. (And it will only get worse! :S) But I'm constantly updating myself with your blogs, and constantly praying for you all.

Got to go!