the time of singing has come!

A heifer, a female goat, a ram, a turtledove, and a young pigeon.
That's all you required of Abraham.
They say usually the two will walk down the path together.
Why did you walk alone?

What was on your mind when you passed between the halves of the animals?
As you walked along the blood-path, were you thinking about your own sacrifice?
How could you bind yourself to such a covenant, when you know surely we would fail you?
How could you tread on that path of blood alone?

You walked in our stead.
And it cost you your blood.

You took it upon yourself
to fulfil the good you have promised us.

You know we are not able
So you had to take our place
and although you know this is the path you have to take alone
you did it still for me.

You willingly walked alone
Yes...
You willingly bore the burden of the cross
alone
And blood was shed...
So that we remember

This is
Love,
Eternal,
With no beginning and no end.

You loved us since the beginning of time,
And with this same love you would envelop us
till the end of days.

"Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love..." (Jeremiah 31:3)

-------
Inspired by Genesis 15 and the love of Jesus Christ.
See also Jeremiah 34:18-19.

Labels: Bible study, counting grace, encountering God

I need to remember to breathe.

And remember to let go of things that are not within my control,

but remembering that God is in control still.

No need to cry,

just

breathe.

You do wonders,
Lord.
You do wonders even to this day
in my life.
Your love move me;
Your presence overwhelm me,
such that the tears fall
and roll down my cheeks.
You reminded me that this is where
I love to be,
nowhere like the house of God,
where voices are raised in harmony,
praising God.
And I am ashamed
that I had tried so hard to convince
myself
that I no longer belong here.

You do wonders, Lord.
You really are my wonderful, wonderful Lord.
And I know that nothing is too difficult with you.
I truly know that. :)

Labels: counting grace

There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God.
A place where sin cannot molest.......

I was shocked when they told me one of my good students molested a girl.

I don't know the details
but when his friend was telling me, he was pleading for him,

"Please ar, teacher. Please help him. Give him a chance lah.. His mother said want to send him to boys' home. Please lah, teacher, help him. Maybe this time, he did something wrong, after this, he will not.. please ar teacher, please help him..."

I was surprised at this boy's maturity, in the sense that he knew how to plead for his friend. How he knew his friend did something wrong. How he knew about giving people second chances. How he cared for a friend enough to plead in this manner.

My heart went weak. I really had high hopes for the boy. We were all hoping he can get into a better school and have a better future. I always thought he was a very sensible and responsible boy. I want to help him, but how?

Just one mistake can ruin everything. Why was he so impulsive? So foolish? I can do nothing much, except to shake my head and sigh in regret. We were trying so hard to groom him; why did he let us down?

And then I thought about how God is looking at each of us too. He tries so hard to groom us into His likeness. He tries so hard to motivate us to yield to the Holy Spirit. He puts in so much effort so that we may have a better future. But one mistake of ours can ruin us eternally. And when we made such a mistake, how does God feel? I think He is also shaking His head and sighing in regret. This is the heart of a teacher. The heart of a parent. The heart of God.

And then I also wondered how could a boy so well-behaved suddenly commit such an act? I believe most of us around him find him a very responsible boy. I cannot believe he would do such a thing. Was there a lot of pressure on him to be good? Or did he just suddenly snap and did something foolish that he also regret later?

This made me realised that everyone has his weakness. Even the most responsible, well-mannered boy in school. Even the most "holy" minister in church. And definitely me included.

We all have our weaknesses. And we all have our moments of weakness. If only we are more willing to share about them! Rather than covering them up for the fear that people might criticise us or mock at us, why not share about them with a genuine heart to teach and warn others not to follow in our footsteps?

There are times when we feel that we should not share because we fear that we might stumble others. How would people think if they know that I, one of the leaders in church, have made such a mistake? Would not they misunderstand, thinking that then it is alright for them to make mistakes as well? This concern is genuine, but I believe that as long as we do it with caution, educate patiently with wisdom from God, it can be done.

Let's not talk about church ministers or leaders. Let's talk about me. I am no minister or leader in church, but I am bringing friends to church. And in some ways, I am a leader to them. And I often feel very pressurised by the fact that I must only present my "holy" self to them. I cannot show my weakness for I might stumble them! Is that right?

I often try to imagine how church ministers or leaders might be feeling. The intense pressure to be good. The immense pressure not to show their weakness. But who do not have weakness? In fact, some believers really have the concept that church leaders have no weakness! While this is an ideal state, I really do not believe it to be true......

If only the boy was more willing to share about his weakness? If only more people in church are more willing to share about their weakness? Then people would not suddenly snap and go haywire. Then I wouldn't have to always imagine that I am the only weak one in church. For why do I always have these negative feelings as you have read on my blog?

There is a place of quiet rest, near to the heart of God.
A place where sin cannot molest, near to the heart of God.
O Jesus, blest Redeemer, sent from the heart of God,
Hold us who wait before Thee near to the heart of God.

While we should share about our own weakness, we must also remember that Jesus can help us triumph over our weaknesses. He was sent to die for our sins, and had given us the victory over sins, if only we allow Him to work in our lives.

honestly I don't know where this is taking me
but I'm glad I did it
although some people are just as clueless as before
but I guess that is the answer that I need.
no more reading more than what there is.
mx, please please please be determined.

i am not ready yet.
and i don't like all those feelings.

Lord, please receive my heart once again in its entirety. :)

"Lord, please help me.... for I know I am weak...
I can't do this alone...."

I was lying awake at night on my bed and I decided to chat with God.

"Please help me....."

*gulped*

These three words sounded familiar...

One of my most problematic girl in class had wrote me a letter one or two days ago with that exact same three words...

"Miss Tan, please help me."

It is my wish to help her grow into a responsible and good-natured lady.

----

"Can you tell me what's wrong? Are you angry at me? or upset? You got to tell me what happened for me to understand.

What are you feeling? Angry? Upset?"

"Sad."

"Sad? Why are you sad? Is it because I punished you?"

"No.

Everytime I go to you, you ignore me."

"..." I honestly had not expected that answer.

And he actually had his head hung low and was rubbing his eyes.

My heart went out to him.....
but I know that this was the critical point
I need to knock some sense into him...

I sincerely hope that he will grow up into a sensible gentleman, with whatever help that I can give.

"for the teacher in me"?

I am really not so sure about that.

I have been rather impatient with my students lately.
There were many occasions when I have snapped at my students, or said unkind words.

I am not sure if I am frustrated at myself for not being able to make them understand,
or am I frustrated that they just cannot learn?

Am I angry at them for being the way they are?
Am I mad at them for being created this way?
Am I angry at God for making them like this?

I have been so arrogant, so mean, so biased.

Differentiated teaching or in actual fact, partiality?
I am confused.

Forgive me, Lord, for I have been mean to Your little ones.

Insecurities.
I hide under the wings of those who love me.
For those who do not... scare me.

Facade.
I try to cover up my insecurities.
I try hard to convince, but I am not deceived.

Sometimes I am tired of smiling that gleeful smile.
(Which is possibly why I love you, em,
because you don't smile :x and strangely I feel comfortable around you,
because you are.... well, genuine.)
Is it permissible for me to be emo sometimes?
Will you allow me to be silent at times?

This is one of those times when you are tired of people.
Maybe I am tired of talking.
Arrghh... but I got to talk to 12 students for more than 6 hours tmr :O

I shall just shut up now.

Help me, God, to walk down this road alone, with courage.

---
hey, i am not being emo here.
i just want to be alone (:

I am never a group person,
and I never will be. (:
I'm best when it's just you and me.

------

Walking along the streets
I enjoyed the symphony
Of the gentle breeze that sweeps past my ears and
Of the cars on the roads that rushes on to get home

In a manner that at times I cannot understand too,
I love the time alone to myself.
Maybe it is because I know that God is always with me,
and I really just wanted to be near to Him then.

But then, I suddenly wondered if there is a God....
What if there is no God?
Why am I so sure that God is near me?
What if people asked me this, what would I say?

I have no eloquence of speech.
I am no PhD.
I have no superb memory to store all the information to contend for Jesus.
But I would say,
I just know,
and I wish you only knew.

The more I learn about God, the more I feel Him.
It's like playing the violin.
You can't just have knowledge;
You need to feel the strings.
You need to hear the subtle change of tone.
You need to feel the violin as one with your body.

Knowing that God is near goes beyond the historical knowledge and facts.
Even with these, some people still do not believe.
After the knowledge and the facts,
You need to open your heart to feel Him.
You need to hear His gentle voice calling.
You need to be one with Him.
His thoughts as your thoughts.
His heart as your heart.

I love Hymn 235 (chinese).

主我一体

恩主耶稣，我愿亲近你！
因你的爱情，比酒更美；
你膏油馨香，你的名芬芳，
我乐意舞蹈，趁你爱笛响。

主对我说：“我愿看见你，
因你的面貌，比花秀美；
愿听你声音，因为甚柔和，
随时见闻你，我心就快乐。”

我属我主， 我主也属我，
我与主联合，成为一体；
身体连元首，永不能分离，
教会属基督，是极大奥秘。

I am never a group person.
Which is probably also why I love the time alone with my God.
To be near to the heart of God,
and to feel Him near.